DOMestic Bdsm and Female Domination

The Fem Dom Training Program.
Advises on how best to train your husband/lover.

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Re: C: Dominant Female having no luck
From: Madamplz
Date: Fri, 1 May 2009 14:31:35 EDT

Yvonne King wrote:

>"I am looking on web sites, private parties, meet and greets. I
>find males who are surprised/resentful that I have a job,
>house, and car or is a selfish bottom faking the desire to
>submit. I know some men won't be interested in me because I am
>overweight. Fine, I have lived with that for a while. I am
>wondering what is wrong."

Maybe nothing is wrong. Maybe you're just not able to accurately
see what you're looking at. You may simply be allowing men to
tell you who they are instead of assessing them based on what
you see. Additionally, some men simply haven't come out yet or
may be unaware that they are or could be submissive. He may not
even realize that we may and usually do define submission as
something that goes well beyond sexuality.

When a man tells me he's this or that, I don't pay much
attention to him. The definition of submissive is very
subjective. Most men are sincere when they say they are
submissive but what they mean is that they are into you
controlling them sexually. Their submission evaporates along
with their orgasm and they're left right where you are. They are
resentful and feeling misled and even used and wondering where
they went wrong.

Try this. Go visit a dog park and watch dogs play. Pay attention
to who is the top or Alpha dog in the pack and how the other
dogs engage with the alpha. Be aware that as new dogs come into
the park the dynamic will change and often, the top dog will
change, too. Additionally, you'll see several groups/packs co-
existing and be able to see that essentially the dynamic
continues to change while some dogs always submit to some
individuals, while others switch, etc. You'll see that some dogs
are aggressive and that the other dogs will submit a little
differently when they come into contact with a dog who is not
only alpha but aggressive. After you have a good handle on the
behavior patterns you're ready to apply what you know to human
interactions.

You will begin to develop an ability to see submissives,
dominants and switches everywhere you look. They might not
necessarily be submissive, switch or dominant to you personally
but you will begin to recognize that humans also have pack
behavior and that the pack hierarchy can change with the
introduction of new members. You'll begin to see that some
people act out of assertion, some out of aggression and some out
of defense.

When you look at people in this light it becomes clearer to you
who are your likely submissive candidates.

When I found my submissive who is now also my husband we went to
dinner. He had nominal interest in the scene but I used a simple
test to determine if he would be truly submissive. I knew he
would be fun in a dungeon situation, but I wanted to know if he
would be submissive to me for the long term, at home, when no
one else was around to watch or impress.

If you've ever gone out to dinner with a friend you will know
that at every table there are territorial boundary lines which
everyone recognizes but no one really talks about. There's an
imaginary line across the center of the table. Your companion
has his territory and you have yours. For every person at the
table the boundaries are divided again. There's a neutral zone
where condiments, candles and flower vases sit.

It's not unusual for a submissive man to sit down at a table and
try to control where the neutral zone is. He may rearrange the
neutral items into a zone which is more comfortable for him -
off to the side, for example. As a side note, and I think many
dominant women will agree, many submissive men have a tendency
to be extremely controlling by nature. It is the relinquishing
of that control in their desire to please which makes the best
submissive.

My submissive and I sat down at the table and immediately he
began rearranging the neutral zone. He knew that our dinner was
to get to know each other as people, not to discuss playing. Who
was he, what was his life about; those are the kinds of things I
wanted to know.

Casually, I picked up the salt shaker and moved it into his
territory - onto his side of the table. I could see by his
repeated visual reference to the salt shaker that this was very
disturbing for him. It was a dilemma. Clearly, in his mind I'd
upset the natural order of things. Now it wasn't really the
natural order of things. It was only his idea of what the
natural order of things should be.

He eventually feigned nonchalance, picked up the shaker and
moved it back into the neutral zone he'd established when we
first sat down. I repeated the exercise. To him I was messing up
the way the table should look. But what I was really doing was
challenging his perceived sense of what normal is and whether or
not he would tolerate it. When I repeated the exercise a third
time he left the shaker where I put it. That was my idea of him
passing my test. Internally, he agreed to go with my vision of
normal. It was difficult for him. I could see him fighting the
impulse to rearrange things, but ultimately he submitted and
stopped trying to control.

Now that's pretty simplistic but you should know I've told many
women how to do this simple test. It has never been wrong.

In the case of my husband he has always tried to control. He has
always thought his idea of how things should be is the best way
to do things. And when I have made the decision that my way is
the best way he has always recapitulated and accepted my vision
of how things should be.

Over the long term (my submissive and I have been together
almost 13 years) my submissive's comfort zone has been
continually challenged by me. His response pattern has not
changed much. He will unassumingly try to do things (control
things) in a way that feel most comfortable to him. The
difference is that now his perspective includes what is most
comfortable to me. If I require a higher level of comfort he
will relinquish his control to suit me in the same way he did at
our first dinner.

It's an extremely simple and reliable test if you simply observe
his responses and you accept what he does as an indication of
his most basic self.

When you go to a club or to a website that is geared towards
dominants and submissives you're already in an arena where
people have a particular persona they are putting on. They are
acting in accordance with a pre-set image of how they see
themselves. How they see themselves may not necessarily be how
they actually are. So if you're looking for someone who wears
great costumes or who wants to crawl around behind you when
they're feeling sexual, a dungeon or play party or a Dom/sub
brunch is a great place to go. You may not necessarily find
someone who is truly submissive in a way that will suit your
need.

Some of the most driven, most competitive, most actualized men
are also the most submissive. Their inability to submit often
comes from being unable to find a woman who has her own drive to
self actualize and wants to harness the submissive's drive and
competitive instincts in a way that will enhance both of their
lives. In my opinion, that's the kind of guy to look for if what
you want is dominance and submission integrated into a practical
lifestyle. You can still take him to the dungeon or the play
parties or the brunches, but there's an underlying reality there
that enhances the rest.

Good luck. Let me know how you do with the test and if you have
questions about how to interpret the results.

Madam

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Re: C: Dominant Female having no luck
Date: Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:46:24 -0700 (PDT)
From: MaitresseX

Replying to Ms. Yvonne on finding a sub.

You mentioned in your post that you live in Texas. There is a
wonderful organization there ClubFEM that is headquartered in
either Dallas or Houston. It is strictly a FemDom group with
many wonderful contacts. Their website address is

clubfem.com

Or you can google ClubFEM. I wish you the best of luck!

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Re: C: topping from the bottom - what is it?
From: Madamplz
Date: Fri, 1 May 2009 12:41:01 EDT

micheleFFS wrote:

>it hurt so much I asked her to please hit me somewhere else.
>She refused. I tried to endure, but I was beyond my comfort
>zone. I finally said "I'm using my safeword for that spot, not
>the whole scene," -snip- Was I topping from the bottom

Using a safeword isn't topping from the bottom unless the sub is
attempting to control anything other than his/her own safety. If
you have let your top know that you have a safeword and your top
doesn't respect it I'd advise you to dump your top as quickly as
possible.

I'm making an assumption by your post that your top has
challenged you on this issue. If you give her the opportunity
she may very well decide to press her point in your next
session. If this is an inexperienced top who has not since given
you reason to believe she understands that ignoring your
safeword is a very bad idea, and an assurance that she will not
ignore you again, you should terminate your relationship. You
could be seriously injured physically or emotionally or both.

A domme or top who is paying attention to you will have a pretty
good idea when you're coming close to your edge. If they aren't
able to see what's going on with you and won't back off when you
safeword that puts you in a potentially dangerous situation.

If this is an experienced top I would not give her a second
chance to press the issue.

Madam

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Re: C: topping from the bottom - what is it?
Date: 2 May 2009 07:49:37 -0000
From: micheleFFS

Thanks to you all for your comments on my experience.

Eventually, this Superior and I divorced, with many issues
involved. We are still friends, but without sex or play.

michele

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Re: P: dominant wife seeking couples with similar interests
Date: 2 May 2009 05:19:49 -0000
From: Bob

i am a submissive husband to an increasingly dominant wife. She
desires devotion to Her and my chastity as lifestyle pursuits.
We've been together more than six years, are monogamous and love
each other very much. We live in Los Angeles.

bob

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S: 19 - part one
Date: Wed, 6 May 2009 15:25:14 -0700 (PDT)
From: Humble Serf

Dear Ms. Christine,

I have been a long time reader of DOMestic and would like to
post the first instalment of an original fiction story I have
written (for which I have full copyright).

I hope you, David and your readers enjoy it. I'm also writing it
for a Mistress who briefly opened my eyes to a world of
possibilities so I'd like to include a short dedication to her
in front of each instalment as I write it. So if possible could
you publish the following on your site? It will be a real honour
to appear on DOMestic!

Yours,

Humble Serf

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

19 - part one

This story is dedicated to the real Victoria who proved a
formidable and eye-opening Mistress. Wherever You are now
Mistress, I hope You're reading this now, that it amuses You and
that one day soon our paths might cross again.

- - - - - - - - - -

Simon walked into the New York branch of international upmarket
department store House of Victoria. His was flying back to the
UK that evening and wanted to pay his usual visit and maybe
disguise its true purpose by picking up the nice jacket he had
spotted in the window earlier that day.

He scanned the cavernous lobby of the building and set off
slowly for the escalators to the menswear department. The
store's CCTV swivelled after him. As he picked his way casually
through the familiar rows of cosmetic counters. He couldn't help
noticing the heady mix of perfumes competing for the attention
of his nose. The delicate scents played across his sense of
smell like a symphony. A high note quickly replaced by a musky
low immediately followed by a strong mid-tone.

Simon slowed down to breathe in the intoxicating aroma, and even
more importantly, to feast his eyes on the incredibly attractive
salesgirls all around him. Each was carefully made-up to
perfection. He discreetly eyed up the women standing all around
him in their form hugging blouses and tight skirts. He could
feel his face flush and his pulse creep quickly up.

The sounds of the busy store faded away. All Simon heard were
the sounds of these gorgeous women's heels moving backwards and
forwards across the marbled flooring. He felt positively giddy.
Maybe a little uncomfortably so. He could feel light beads of
sweat forming on his forehead. The perfumes closed in on him.

Abruptly Simon found his path blocked by a tall imposing woman
with piercing eyes and a transfixing smile. She asked if he was
looking for something special. She wore an immaculately tailored
pin-stripe skirt suit which at once was business like and very
very sexy.

Simon mumbled something about "the escalator" as she took him
gently yet firmly by the elbow.

"You look a little flushed. Are you alright?" she said, guiding
him to a soft leather chair by the Aveda counter. "You'd better
sit down."

"What's wrong with him?" a salesgirl asked, concerned.

"He'll be alright. Victoria asked me to intercept him." She
replied.

"Oh. He's one of those?"

Simon was feeling a little queer. He realized he had been
inadvertently staring at the woman's chest as she stood over
him. Strangely, she seemed to have a glimmer of amusement in her
eyes. He immediately lifted his gaze to hers. She said nothing
merely looking down on him. For some reason she intimidated him.
He couldn't say why. He couldn't hold her stare and looked down
at her feet. She was wearing shining black patent heels. Jimmy
Choos if he wasn't mistaken. He was something of an expert on
women's shoes although he would never admit it.

"My name is Miss Logan and I've seen you here before, haven't
I?" she said.

It wasn't a question. It was a statement. Simon loosened his tie
and nodded.

"May I have a drink of water?" he asked.

"Certainly" Miss Logan replied. "Follow me. There's someone who
wants to meet you." She took Simon's arm and helped him to his
feet. He leant on her to steady himself. He could feel her
strength. She must work out he thought as he let her lead him to
the lifts at the rear of the store.

Simon was blinking hard, trying to focus, but the perfume seemed
to be making it hard for him to breathe. He wondered if he had
some sort of allergy. But that didn't make sense. Didn't they
test for this sort of thing? He felt positively light headed. He
heard the ping of the lift arriving.

Miss Logan took out a key and inserted it into the lift's
control panel. She selected the nineteenth floor, accessible
only to senior staff and rumoured to be replicated in every one
of the forty plus stores world-wide. This was the floor Victoria
Markham occupied when visiting. No-one was taken to the
nineteenth floor without a very very good reason.

The doors clicked shut and Simon felt them begin to smoothly
rise. There was no music in this lift.

The heavy scent in the confined space of the lift was almost
overpowering. Simon was aware of Miss Logan standing very close
to him. He stared at the back of her head, inches away from her,
and slowly, behind her back, traced her figure from head to toe
as the lift rose up through the building.

"I don't appreciate being looked at like a piece of meat. If you
can't behave in a civilized fashion, keep your eyes to the
floor."

Simon gaped in surprise, and then noticed that she was watching
his reflection in the control panel. He flushed red with
embarrassment, his head pounding from the perfume, and
immediately lowered his gaze.

"Sorry" he mumbled.

"You will be" she retorted loudly and clearly. There was a
confidence in her voice that alarmed Simon. All he wanted was a
drink of water and to get out of this place. He clutched the
hand rail as the lift gently came to a halt. And to top it all
he could feel himself stiffening in his trousers. He hoped it
wouldn't show. It normally didn't.

The doors slid quietly open and Miss Logan stepped out and
walked briskly down a long polished corridor. Antiques, wall-
hangings, gilt-framed portraits of austere women and mirrors
lined the walls. Several polished mahogany doors led off to
other rooms. There were no name plates or numbers to identify
what lay behind any of the doors. A small man dressed in a tight
fitting black uniform complete with brass buttons, numbered
epaulettes and peaked cap was watering a large plant. He stood
sharply to one side and lowered his gaze as Miss Logan marched
past him. He stole a questioning glance at Simon before
returning to his chores.

"Come along. Don't dawdle." Miss Logan called over her shoulder
as she strode down the long corridor.

Simon hurried after her.

He was so intent at not staring at Miss Logan's bottom swaying
teasingly from side to side in front of him, that he almost
collided with her when she came to an abrupt halt at the end of
the corridor.

She pressed a buzzer and waited. She smiled up at what must have
been a camera above the heavy double-door in front of them. The
door had no apparent handles. A moment later it swung open. Miss
Logan marched in and Simon followed with a growing sense of
anxiety. This seemed like an awful lot of trouble for a glass of
water. Perhaps they had some sort of sick bay here.

A huge office opened up before them. Glass walls on three sides
of the room gave a breathtaking view across the city. A bank of
computer screens hummed away on one side of the office
displaying stock market information as well as CCTV footage from
the store.

Simon gaped at the huge water tank under the floor, as a shoal
of colourful fish swam lazily by under his feet. If Miss Logan
wished to put him at his ease she was doing a pretty poor job.
Simon suspected this was the last thing anyone here wanted to do
for him.

Miss Logan moved across the floor to a vast ebony lacquered desk
at the far side of the room. Sitting at it was one of the most
striking women Simon had ever seen. Her long hair was scraped
back behind her head in a high tight bun. She wore a slim
fitting suit of some light flowing material - a dark jacket
fastened with a single silver clasp. Next to her, on the desk,
lay a pair of long black leather opera gloves. She got up and
walked around to shake Miss Logan's hand.

Simon's mouth fell open. The mystery woman exuded power and
confidence. Simon couldn't take his eyes off her. He took in her
firm breasts straining against the black silk top she was
wearing under her jacket. It accentuated her waspish waist and
drew Simon's eyes straight down her tight red pencil skirt.
Perfect calves seemed to flow into a pair of 5" Louboutin heels.

"Sandra, Lovely to see you again," she said.

"Thank you Victoria. And you," replied Miss Logan.

"And what have you brought me?"

"This is the boy we discussed."

Simon was a little confused. Did they just refer to a previous
discussion they'd had about him? And call him a boy? This day
was growing stranger by the moment.

"Could I have a glass of water please?" he croaked. His eyes
were locked onto Victoria's Louboutin's.

Victoria's eyes narrowed.

"Silence boy. And you should say May I. And no you may not."

She gestured to Miss Logan to sit on a sofa and returned to her
leather chair behind the imposing desk. Simon was left standing
awkwardly in front of the two women who both seemed to be
enjoying his evident discomfort.

"The new scent seems to be working, or at least, partially."

"Yes it does. Although he seems a little groggier than we would
like," said Miss Logan.

Victoria beckoned Simon to step closer to her desk. He shuffled
forward.

Simon began to mumble "I'm Simon. I-"

"I don't care who you say you are. You're a little pervert. And
to make amends, you're going to come and work hard for me. For
nothing," Victoria replied with a half-amused smile.

Simon couldn't believe what he'd just heard! But he was
incredibly aroused. He could feel himself rock hard against the
soft wool of his trousers. He didn't want to be hard. Under the
circumstances it made him feel vulnerable.

"Who the hell are you? How dare-"

Victoria raised her manicured hand. Her perfect red finger-nails
glistened in the morning light.

"Silence boy. Miss Logan, please show the poor thing what you
have."

Miss Logan produced a remote control. She pointed it at the bank
of screens. At once the stock stat disappeared and the separate
screens filled with different images of Simon. He inhaled
sharply.

It was CCTV footage from a number of House of Victoria stores
around the world, New York, Cairo, Toronto, Tokyo, Paris and
London. And they all showed the same thing. Simon wandering
around the cosmetic counters, sneaking glances at the
salesgirls.

Victoria laughed a cold laugh. Miss Logan allowed herself a grim
smile.

"This was shot over the last two years. You come into a House of
Victoria somewhere in the world, cruise around the cosmetics
counters and buy nothing. We have hours of this footage," Miss
Logan intoned.

"This is a gross invasion of privacy" spluttered Simon.

"Yes it is" agreed Victoria. "The privacy of our salesgirls.
Their right not to have a pervert come into our store and ogle
them."

The images played on and on. Simon eventually couldn't watch
himself anymore and stared down at his feet, ashamed. Victoria
nodded and Miss Logan turned off the monitors.

"What do you want?" he asked in a low nervous voice.

"I want you to continue just as you are," Victoria replied.

Simon looked up at her puzzled. "What do you mean? You want me
to... cruise... the make-up girls?"

Victoria frowned. "Not exactly. Your cock is hard."

Simon instinctively covered his crotch with his hands. Victoria
got up and strode quickly over to him. She slapped his face.

Simon was astonished. His hands shot up to his stinging cheek.

"Never cover your genitals in front of any woman in this store.
Ever. Drop your hands to your waist."

Shocked, Simon did as he was told.

"Responsive. He can obey," Miss Logan noted with a satisfied
tone.

"You must address all women as Miss followed by their surname.
Your one single exception is me, who you will address as
Mistress Victoria."

"Please, I don't understand" he stammered.

Victoria slapped him hard across the face from the left and then
even harder from the right.

"You will speak when spoken to and at no other time. I am not
interested in your opinions. You will ask permission of any
woman if you wish to speak. If she refuses it you must remain
silent. If you fail to obey we will have absolutely no
hesitation in posting these images up on the internet."

"But what do you-"

CRACK

Simon crumples to the floor in writhing agony. Miss Logan steps
over him. She smiles down having just delivered a perfect hard
kick from behind Simon to his balls.

"You heard Mistress Victoria, Simon, you must ask permission to
speak," Miss Logan smiles sweetly before placing her foot on
Simon's crotch and gently increasing her weight on it.

"Yes, Miss Logan. Sorry Mistress Victoria."

Victoria smiles. "That's better."

"Permission to speak Mistress Victoria."

Victoria nods.

"What do you want me to do here?"

Victoria smiles and a chill passes through Simon. He knows right
then that he won't be boarding that flight back home tonight.
Life has just taken a dark turn. He starts to tremble.

To be continued...

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S: In The Bank Manager's Cupboard. Part Twenty-three
From: "Christine" at u4ds.com
Date: Tue, 28 Apr 2009 22:47:59 +0100

Previous issues are at:-
http://u4ds.com/stories/meeting_and_seduction/

In The Bank Manager's Cupboard - by Ms. Christine
Copyright 1986-2009 Christine and David Stevenson

Part Twenty-three

Laying on his back, David saw Karin lower her panties
and sit on the seat above him. This was a most unusual
perspective from which to look at a woman. So
impersonal. He was able to look upon her sex above him,
which was in itself exciting. Yet he had the knowledge
that the genitalia he was focused upon were about to
deliver such profound humiliation.

"Get a good look wanker," she ordered, "makes you want
to sniff my knickers and toss off I'll bet!"

David lay obediently silent. But he had to acknowledge
that it was an arousing sight, something that made him
feel ashamed of himself, given what she intended.

She ordered, "You may now beg my forgiveness."

As soon as David started to utter his first plea a
seemingly unending stream of urine spattered and
splashed over his face. He attempted to burble his
entreaties, and beg her mercy. Karin laughed, as this
only resulted in further humiliation, by causing him to
choke on the bitter tasting fluid he could not avoid
swallowing. She wiped herself with tissue, and dropped
it on his face. Closing the lid she warned, "I hope my
breakfast is satisfactory, or there will be trouble."

Through the perspex sides he was aware of her adjusting
her stockings as she stood over him before moving to
the wash basin. Then she swished from the room. It was
only seven in the morning, and Karin had degraded and
humiliated David beyond anything he could have thought
possible. He was securely strapped up, restrained and
locked into place as her toilet. She had called him a
toilet pervert, and had pissed on his face. Then she
just walked out as if this was the most normal thing in
the world to do to a person. He was left to suffer the
degradation of feeling that to her, he was nothing more
that a receptacle for her urine.

Could he possibly sink any lower? He pondered this
question as he lay with the back of his head immersed
in the still warm fluid. With the lid down the smell
was intensified. His senses were surrounded by her
waste. The taste in his throat, the wetness on his
face, his hair soaked, the smell in his nostrils. His
existence had been reduced to that of a toilet. Yet
somehow this made her seem more like a queen, she was
so superior to him in every way.

Karin took a leisurely breakfast, totally satisfied
with her weekend. She was overjoyed with the way her
week was beginning too. Pissing on a man was something
she had long wanted to do. She was glad now that she
had ordered the perspex toilet from that company in
Australia. Karin was feeling ready for anything,
nothing could stop her now she mused as she made her
way back upstairs. The take over bid she was working on
this week would go well. The confidence she now felt,
would virtually guarantee it.

David watched through the see through sides and top of
his enclosure, as Karin clicked on her stiletto heels
in and out of the bathroom in various states of dress.
As she applied her make up and completed her toilette,
she totally ignored him. As a person he had ceased to
exist. When he saw her leave the bathroom fully
dressed, he wondered if she was planning to leave him
there all day. By ten that morning, Karin had closed
several deals on the telephone, and was ready to leave
for her meeting.

She couldn't resist another session in the bathroom.
The 'high' it gave her was exalting, a power trip for
sure. She strode into her bathroom, her heels clicking
purposefully on the tiled floor. Standing astride his
chest, she pulled up the skirt of her business suit,
slowly and deliberately exposing to David the erotic
sight of her black lingerie and seamed stockings.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

This story is one of over 400 stories you can read on the
DOMestic web site. Get your password.

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Re: U: Real Life Femdom
Date: 4 May 2009 18:40:23 -0000
From: Darren

Jay wrote:

>please check out my new blog: "Real Life Femdom"

When opening this blog it states that the blog has been removed.
A shame as I do enjoy reading real life blogs of how couples
make it work for them etc!

Take care all
Darren

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Re: U: Real Life Femdom
Date: Mon, 04 May 2009 21:47:33 +0100
From: "Christine" at u4ds.com

Hello,

Darren wrote:

>the blog has been removed.

I followed the links on the removed page. Unless Jay writes to
suggest otherwise, my guess is that his blog violated the
"Blogger Content Policy" .

sincerely,
Christine at u4ds.com

The Fem Dom Training Program.
Warning! Turns your wife/lover into a Dominatrix

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