DOMestic Bdsm and Female Domination

Sounds a little like he is testing Your control. If You are
angry and want to keep the upper hand, send him away calmly
being sure he knows how disappointed You are.

judy wrote:

>My sub lickslave seems to get aroused when I yell at him and
>am angry at him at times. Why would he get aroused by that?
>Can anyone comment to me about this?

I have experienced this....

I had met and became friends with a female dominant, who was
less experienced than appearances, and after several meetings we
met with a view to playing. She had indicated she liked to use a
whip hard. She also mentioned in passing that she had an anger
problem, and I was surprised, as by appearances, butter wouldn't
melt in her mouth.

Well, later in the evening she became angry for little apparent
reason and it escalated to a rage of anger.

She angrily threatened to put me in my stocks and give me an
extreme whipping and leave me there all night.

I had to pull back and refuse, as in her state, it breached all
safe, sane and consensual parameters.

I stuck to my guns and never played with her, because I felt it
was unsafe, but it was a tremendous turn on for me.

I don't like making anyone truly angry, and I was quite
surprised by my arousal.

I think because to submit to her (in her state of anger) would
have been a complete and total submission with no way out, when
it was clear it was going to go way past any safeword levels.

This in itself has a certain appeal, and I have lived in a
relationship where safewords were there, but seldom (if ever)
used, and then only if there was some sort of issue (such as
cramp or restraints cutting off circulation).... you just took
what punishment was decided on.

This level of trust takes a considerable amount of time to
build.

My passing comment is that if your slave is turned on by your
anger, to use it on your slave, but not at the time of the
actual anger. Take time to find your equilibrium and later,
during the session, recall the events that made you angry and
act out your anger, without really being truly angry. The effect
will be the same for your slave, and for his correction, but
it's a safer option.

"O"

Hello,

judy wrote:

>My sub lickslave seems to get aroused when I yell at him and am
>angry at him at times. Why would he get aroused by that?

I think there are many possibilities, and you might want to
explore those by discussing it with him. Just ask him why he
thinks your anger turns him on. It's possible that it reminds
him of some formative experience, or it might be that when you
are angry he finds the idea of punishment more credible and
exciting than in so called play situations.

I know we've discussed anger here on many occasions, and I found
so many references to it when I searched the DOMestic member's
site, that I couldn't list them all here.

What I think may be a common motivation for a submissive
becoming aroused at his mistress being angry, may be the concept
of "real punishment".

So I restricted the search of the DOMestic member's area to
"real punishment angry" so as to come up with something that
might shed light on your question of "why" and I quickly came up
with an article I wrote many years ago called "Real punishment
hurts the ones we love" at:-

http://www.mschristine.com/DOMestic/david24.htm

I'll repeat and re-edit the relevant parts of it here...

If I imagine for a moment the little boy in tears when his
mother slaps his legs and tells him off, I realise that why he
is crying is not totally about the physical pain. He is crying
because he is emotionally hurt by his mother's anger.

What we (I think I'm including most or all of us into dom-sub)
do is the opposite. We are sharing. We want to know that our
partner, dom or sub, is enjoying it. So some of us enjoy 'play
anger' from our dominants.

For some of us into "real punishment" a kind of magic occurs
when we as subs watch the dom play act the anger in a convincing
way. So convincing that we nearly believe it, but not quite
convincing enough that we fall in to the trap of really
believing we have upset them.

Over thirty years ago, in an earlier marriage, as a young twenty
year old man, I experienced a "non playful" spanking, shortly
followed by a lashing with a riding crop.

The circumstances were as follows,

We were at a social function associated with my wife's work. I
was one of the few men there. Most of the guests were sales-
women akin to my wife. I had a ball, dancing with them all. At
first my wife took it all in good spirits, pleased that I was
getting on so well with her friends. But either I pushed it too
far, or she became jealous. I don't honestly know which.

We had played fem-dom games at home for very brief periods. But
I had never experienced anything like this. In the car driving
home she made it very clear how angry she was and said little
else. When we entered the kitchen door she literally pushed me
across the kitchen table and ripped at my trousers and laid into
my backside.

I loved it.

My initial resistance, which was at best half hearted soon
abated. She gave me a hiding and then fetched the riding crop
which I had previously purchased for play. I was lectured
throughout and told never to behave that way again.

It was fantastic.

Why?

My best guess is that I wanted or enjoyed her proving that she
loved me. Her jealousy which was always a problem in our
marriage was finally expressed in a way which knitted with my
own sexual fantasies.

That marriage ended a few years later but the non-playful anger
and consequent arousal experience has never been repeated.
Although Christine can act angrily in our role-pay which is
often very arousing (but deep down I know it's play).

Nowadays I would be hurt by the idea that I had done anything to
make my partner really angry, and quite simply I almost never do
so, but the concept of play anger is something we've used
frequently and Christine and I have successfully weaved this
into our role-playing lifestyle by treading carefully and
discussing what things we both enjoy.

sincerely,
David

Download "Games People Play" by David at
http://www.mschristine.com/manual.shtml