DOMestic Bdsm and Female Domination

Hello Christine, David and all,

It has been a very long time since I have been able to frequent
the list, so I missed the convoluted thread initiated by nuked
potatoes last year (and, it appears, revived periodically ever
since). Having followed the link in the most recent post back to
catch up on the initial post and all the ones subsequent to it,
I now feel qualified to say: "Huh??"

Near as I can tell, the first point nuked attempted to make was
that, unlike male subs who are aware of their urges from age 3,
Dommes are not 'born to the role' but come to it later, mostly
via trauma. As proof he asserts that even Dommes want to be
loved and/or want men in their lives. None of this makes a great
deal of sense to me but I will add my comments to the many
eloquent responses already posted, both by way of renewing my
acquaintance with the group and because my experiences are
slightly different from the ones that have been expressed.

First of all, the urge to be integrally bonded with others, be
it familial, spousal, polyamoral, or communal, truly is innate.
Curmudgeonly reclusive cave dweller(crcd)'s genes died out
pretty quickly since, by definition, they were unlikely to be
passed on. Even those crcds who might have been moved to seek
out others to assuage the occasional mating urge weren't likely
to live long enough to do so since

a: solo hunting was notoriously ineffective against the huge
game of the era, and

b: predators found crcds easy pickings.

All of that aside, however, it is incomprehensible to me how the
choice to have other people closely involved in our lives has
any bearing on dominant behavior in either sex, be it innate or
acquired.

As to the genesis of Domme natures, I can't speak for anyone but
myself (though enough other Dommes have spoken that I'm not sure
why nuked can't seem to get off dead center...) My own urges in
this realm began with my first preschool crush (i.e., before the
age of 5 in the US).

I have very vivid recollections of putting myself to sleep with
visions of the boy who had caught my eye in various states of
bondage or confinement and myself as the jailer or captor. My
favorite early childhood fantasies were of the current object of
my crush tied to the whipping post in the frontier America town
square (my grandparents used to watch a lot of Westerns). As the
town sheriff (despite the fact that I was a pretty little girl
who liked to be feminine and the movies/series of the time only
portrayed women as dance hall girls or very proper wives) I
would carry out the whipping myself and would grant mercy or add
to the sentence at my whim so that the captive knew his only
hope was to wholly ingratiate himself with me...

So sadism, bondage, control, the taste for those things has been
with me as long as the rest of my brain.

I've known male and female subs whose submissive fantasies, like
my dominant ones, were present from their earliest memories; as
well as those who came to the behavior late, either by their own
lights or to please their partner - and some who began as a way
to please a partner and found they wanted to keep the lifestyle
even after getting rid of the partner. I've known dominants who
covered the same range.

So, what exactly was your point, nuked?

Best Regards,
Ms Deah T

"Men's minds are raised to the level of the women with whom they
associate."-Alexandre Dumas

Hello,

nuked potatoes wrote:

>Of course i am wrong

Phew. That was like pulling hen's teeth. But I'm glad you
finally got past the "there are no dominant Women" blockage as
that was getting in the way of what I suspect is something you
are struggling to understand. Namely...

>the Woman desires a Man.

You also wrote:

>i can go on and on but i won't.

Go on nuked. Why not?

Ms Deah T wrote:

>So, what exactly was your point, nuked?

Welcome back Ms Deah, based on the lack of response in the past
I don't hold out much hope of nuked being up to defining his
point for you.

I'll hazard a guess that nuked is struggling to differentiate
between love and submission, and having trouble understanding
how dominance can work if the dominant partner needs or desires
the partner they wish to dominate.

For some men (and poets) love and submission are
indistinguishable, so it can be hard for the romantic to
understand how one can love and dominate at the same time.

Even if he's not being poetic, his confusion is perhaps
understandable if he has not had a long lasting Dom-sub
relationship as he may see these matters in rather cartoon like
black and white fantasy imagery rather than the delicate shades
and variety of colour experienced in real life.

To answer for a moment, just the simple implied question
"cuckolding, the Woman desires a Man"?

Yes, nuked, in some cases a dominant woman can dominate her
submissive partner while at the same time take pleasure from
and/or desire another man in the conventional manner.

Such a threesome may be playing with fire, but the passion can
be powerful for all three, each in different ways, which can
work for all three of them. You might even argue that the
dominant woman is doubly benefitting, in that she can get two
types of passionate relationship in one encounter.

Equally you should not forget that some cuckolding experiences
are ways designed by the couple to satisfy both partners'
differing needs and sometimes these are inspired by male
fantasies but are workable compromises.

He may need to submit and be denied sex, yet she may need to be
sexually active in a more conventional manner while dominating
him. In such a threesome he gets what he needs, she gets what
she needs, and presumably the third partner (the extra male) is
usually happy to be used. At least for a while anyway....

sincerely,
David

Download "Games People Play" by David at
http://www.mschristine.com/manual.shtml