she feels far away from me emotionally
Date: 4 Apr 2010 02:26:40 -0000
From: j_stimmt
I am writing tonight because it seems I have reached an impasse
with my wife as regards our femdom play together.
Life has become stressful for both of us. We have an out-of-
control teenage son. I'm in graduate school and she's starting
her own business. We are like two ships in the night passing
each other daily with very little time to nurture our
relationship.
So why should it surprise me that she now doesn't want to role-
play femdom with me and says that it brings out the anger in her
and she feels far away from me emotionally when we engage in
this type of sexual play?
I didn't know where to turn. My therapist seems to want to avoid
the subject when I bring it up.
I'm hoping someone on this list can offer some words to help me
through this very frustrating time. I feel a bit selfish, in
that, I'm really not a submissive, but am more of a "bottom".
I'm definitely not a "lifestyler". But I do enjoy giving her
pleasure, I just grow weary and bored of the same old vanilla
sex she seems to want to stay with.
Is there anything I can do to help my wife feel more comfortable
with returning to our previous, satisfying femdom play together?
Thank you for considering my dilemma and I appreciate any
sensible responses people on this list can offer.
j_stimmt
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Posted by: jucyfruit48 | link | edited and published April 15, 2010 3:12 AM
j_stimmt,
We lived thru an out of control teenager. It's terrible. What
your wife needs from you is no demands. Do not talk about sex.
Say nothing but treat her like a queen.
Now is the time for you to cement your servitude to her. Go the
extra mile, do the housework, massage her feet, take her out
dining, LISTEN to her. She is going thru a rough time like you
are but the last thing she needs is a whining husband
complaining about his needs only. Be a real slave and step up
and serve her needs.
Later she will appreciate having a slave husband. She is your
focus and reason for living. You are lucky to have a wife who
even considers that she wants you to be her slave.
DO NOT BLOW IT.
Posted by: chmnceo | link | edited and published April 18, 2010 3:05 AM
j_stimmt wrote:
>I didn't know where to turn. My therapist seems to want to
>avoid the subject when I bring it up.
For "j_stimmt" who said his therapist wants to avoid the
subject. I am a therapist and that pains me to hear. I'm sorry.
Here are two sources where you can find professionals who are
kink friendly. These therapists are predominantly for those
living in America however you will find some other countries
represented as well.
The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and
Therapists (AASECT)
AASECT has a rigorous list of requirements for a therapist to
become certified.
Kink Aware Professionals (KAP)
Overseen by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
I hope this helps!
Posted by: David | link | edited and published April 22, 2010 1:28 AM
Hello,
j_stimmt wrote:
>why should it surprise me that she now doesn't want to role-
>play femdom with me and says that it brings out the anger in
>her and she feels far away from me emotionally when we engage
>in this type of sexual play?
I guess it doesn't surprise you at all. And that you want us to
tell you to do what you already know is right.
The only sensible advice is to accept that right now she wants
to feel a lot closer to you, and for her that means not role-
playing femdom. In fact it means giving her what she wants, lots
of conventional loving, whether sexual or not. And especially
for you not to be
>"bored of the same old vanilla sex she seems to want to stay
>with".
You also wrote:-
>My therapist seems to want to avoid the subject when I bring it
>up.
Tell your therapist that you feel he/she is letting you down and
that you really need help with this. Ask him/her to recommend
another therapist who is prepared to discuss this with you.
Either that or look into KAP or AASECT as recommended by
"chmnceo".
>I'm hoping someone on this list can offer some words to help me
>through this very frustrating time.
I think you might read your own words posted in December 2007 in
"D/s sessions - how it works for us":-
http://u4ds.com/2007/12/ds_sessions_how_it_works_for_u.shtml
where you wrote:
>"We play a D/s game now and then, we both have wonderful
>orgasms and then we can put it on the shelf and come back to it
>if the timing is right."
and....
>"I have found that with my wife, the harder I have pushed for
>things I wanted, the farther away she would go and we could not
>agree on anything. I guess I've been blessed in that there have
>been times when I've asked for what I wanted (and must have
>asked the right way or at the right time) and she's given of
>herself to me. There were other times that I had the presence
>of mind and the patience to wait things out until my wife got
>interested again."
sincerely,
David at Ms-Christine.com
The DOMestic discussion list. Now in our thirteenth year. The
password site now has over 6,700 files with well over 400
stories, plus pictures, and hundreds of articles. $26.99 for a
one year password. $16.99 for six months at:-
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