DOMestic Bdsm and Female Domination

Hello Claire,

A few of my own ideas which I hope you'll find useful are near
the end if this post. But I'd like to invite others to share
their own favourite ways of giving the dominant sexual pleasure
while at the same time humiliating the submissive partner.

DOMestic is about all of us sharing so please post your own
ideas and favourites.

Claire (aka Rookie) wrote:

>I met a guy that likes to be humiliated.

Me too! I met one of those well over 30 years ago in 1979 and I
stayed with him. My David still enjoys humiliation, and I wish
you both a similarly long and happy time together.

>I think I can do it, even though I've never done it

Like you I had "never done it" so I'm pretty sure that like me
you can do it too Claire. The fact that you are here reading
DOMestic means that the idea has some appeal to you, and that's
mostly all that matters.

>but is it normal to get turned on by them being humiliated?

Yes. It's normal for a significant proportion of humanity.
Especially those of us who are into kinkiness. Even some folk
who are not knowingly kinky find excitement in the humiliation
of others, (look at some reality TV shows for evidence of it's
popularity.)

But it's far more rewarding, in my opinion, to understand what
excites you and your partner, and find ways to both give each
other what you both want, rather than taking pleasure in the
humiliation of some stranger on a TV show.

It's also normal not to find it sexy yourself, so don't worry if
you don't find humiliating him turns you on sexually. You can
still find ways in which you can get your own pleasure while
making him happy.

>How can I be pleased sexually and still be humiliating to him?

If, like me, you simply find that your partner being aroused by
what you do to him, is exciting to you, then you are halfway
there. Then all you need to work out is the ways in which you
will get your own orgasm.

Don't worry if his humiliation doesn't always turn you on. You
can still get your pleasure from having him please you with his
mouth, and knowing it is highly exciting to him to serve in this
way. (I've never met a man who didn't find giving such oral
service highly exciting)

It can be a bit confusing if/when you find that your partner
enjoys being denied an orgasm himself. So taking your own
pleasure and leaving him wanting more takes a bit of getting
used to for some ladies.

If he likes to ejaculate at the end of a session then you may
find the whole scenario less confusing and complicated.

If you find leaving him wanting more and begging for his own
completion is enjoyable, and denying him release, even after you
have taken your own pleasure is fun, then you should find
keeping some masochistic submissives happy is particularly easy
to do.

>Any more humiliating ideas or sites you'd like to recommend?

I have lots of humiliating ideas, and there are plenty more for
you to read here on DOMestic, and I've never needed another site
for ideas.

To provide the most suitable ideas for you and your new partner
it might be helpful if you also told us a bit more about what he
says turns him on. Whether he enjoys denial, pain, spanking,
chastity, toilet play, etc.

But here is a very basic starter for you:-

I always found that the moans David makes when he is on the
verge of ejaculation, but denied permission to release by being
restrained in a painful way, were very arousing to me. I'm not a
natural sadist, but the noises were themselves stimulating to me
because those moans sounded orgasmic in a conventional way. I
think many people find orgasmic noises sexy.

So in the early days, after some conventional kissing and
cuddling I'd lead him to the bedroom where I found myself being
inventive and using many different ways to restrain David and
make him kiss my feet (or elsewhere) while I lay on the bed (or
sat on his face) and masturbated myself to multiple orgasms.

I'd often have his hands restrained so that he couldn't touch
himself. Sometimes I'd have him wearing a spiky penis corset, so
that his arousal at what he saw and heard caused him both
frustration and pain.

Once I could trust him to obey and not ejaculate without my
permission, my favourite became to make him use nettles on
himself as a way to administer pain to prevent orgasm. I'd
simply say "now" once in a while, and his painful moans in
response would come from the foot of the bed as evidence of his
obedience.

Some folk enjoy deep heat creams as they are less intense and
safer than the nettles in their area - the nettles in the
British Isles are mild and generally safer than some in the USA.
Other methods include making him apply and remove clothes pegs.
They can all produce satisfying moaning noises.
(when applied to either genitals or nipples)

I often found that I would have several climaxes in this way,
and both his obedience and moans would become very sexy for me,
before summoning him to join me and lay between my legs and use
his mouth to give me several more climaxes.

Any leakage or wet patches on the bed that were not obviously my
own, would result in some punishment afterwards for him for
"making a mess". If I felt that I wanted to give him release,
then he could be promised release after he had taken his
punishment, but not given any release unless he took his
punishment obediently.

Then one of the most humiliating ways to permit him to ejaculate
was to send him to lay in the bath and await my pleasure with
instruction to keep himself on the verge until I arrived.

Then, after I recovered and when I was ready to urinate I would
join him in the bathroom. As I sat on the edge of the bath I'd
order him to get his face up under me, and only to "spurt"
himself after he had drunk several mouthfuls from my fountain.

Another way to humiliate afterwards for those who are not into
"golden" toilet play is to make him lay face down and "fuck" the
bath as one stands over him and mocks him for not being a real
man, but just a wanker who is not permitted to put his cock into
a real woman.

Another fun way to "ruin" his ejaculation, if he is into women
being "mean" to him, is to spray him with cold water from the
shower head at the moment of his climax.

If you are not sure whether he would enjoy golden play, offer
him a choice. "You can now lay face down and fuck the bath while
I give you a cold shower, or if you want to really please me
you'll beg to drink from my hot fountain as you spurt..."

Laugh or giggle at anything that amuses you, as that's music to
most male masochists' ears. They do like to know you are
enjoying yourself.

sincerely,
Christine

The Fem Dom Training Software.
Advises on how best to train your husband/lover.
http://www.mschristine.com/program.shtml

Ms Christine,

You said in your reply to Claire:

>Me too! I met one of those well over 30 years ago in 1979 and I
>stayed with him. My David still enjoys humiliation, and I wish
>you both a similarly long and happy time together.

Do you think David really does actually enjoy humiliation?
Speaking for myself, when I had a Mistress, if She did something
to humiliate me I would look for Her little smile and the
shining eyes which told me that She was enjoying it; only then
would I also enjoy what She was doing.

My pleasure always came from seeing Her having enjoyment at my
expense but actually enjoying humiliation for it's own sake? No.
Who wants to be humiliated?

Please don't change anything; this is the only Femdom place on
the internet where I feel those that run it are totally sincere.

Regards
pussikat steve.

Hello pussikat steve,

you wrote:

>Do you think David really does actually enjoy humiliation?
>-snip- seeing Her having enjoyment at my expense but actually
>enjoying humiliation for it's own sake? No.

You are right of course, when we say that a submissive "enjoys"
something, it is usually shorthand for a complex explanation of
a phenomena which we often assume everyone understands. It took
me some years to get my head around "double think".

Claire, did say she is a "Rookie" so some explanation of what we
mean might be helpful to her. I asked David to write something
in explanation of what he means by "enjoying humiliation", and
I've just uploaded his latest post "Lovely Humiliation".

>if She did something to humiliate me I would look for Her
>little smile and the shining eyes which told me that She was
>enjoying it

You are right, we can signal our sense of fun and pleasure at
your humiliation by laughter or a smile, and that turns many a
masochist on, as I mentioned at the end of my previous post.

The example I gave to Claire of setting up a situation where I
was having multiple orgasms, which to David seemed to be
directly caused by his own pain, humiliation and/or suffering
tended to really excite the masochist in David.

The beauty of it was that I had found a way in which I could
directly increase my own pleasure by listening to his moans, so
I had stumbled onto something that worked perfectly and sexually
for both of us which seemed to be what Claire was looking for.

However, just because it worked for David and I, it doesn't mean
it would work for everyone. What is sexually exciting to one
woman may not be to another. Just as what may be humiliating to
one submissive might be the height of pleasure and not at all
humiliating to another.

For example. Long before DOMestic or the internet, we once
advised a friend, who I will call Mary, who wanted some ideas on
how to get pleasure herself from dominating and humiliating her
man.

David and I had only been together a few years. Mary's husband
was a chap who David had shared some adult magazines with, and
the subject of Fem-Dom play came up over a few drinks as the
content of a few of David's magazines had been of that nature.

Mary revealed that the most kinky thing she enjoyed was
showering with her husband, and letting go, (urinating) as they
were making love in that wet and warm environment. David
suggested to Mary that she could humiliate her husband if she
made him kneel and then urinated upon him.

It soon transpired that they were already doing that, and both
were getting a lot of pleasure from it, but neither of them
thought that a woman urinating over a man was humiliating. Just
plain sexy fun to them.

Of course, to some degree it's a question of style and manner.
Being playful together in a warm shower is quite different to
ordering a man to lay in a cold bath and jerk off while you
urinate upon his face.

>Please don't change anything; this is the only Femdom place on
>the internet where I feel those that run it are totally
>sincere.

That's very complimentary, thank you, but I'm sure there are
plenty of genuine folk out there, and a few of them have posted
here, it's just that finding them can sometimes be difficult
when there is so much other stuff to wade through..

sincerely, Christine

The Fem Dom Training Software.
Advises on how best to train your husband/lover.
http://www.mschristine.com/program.shtml

This has got to be one of the best explanations I have read on
this topic! Thank you, Ms. Christine. I found it helpful to
understand that a woman may humiliate and dominate her guy and
not get anything out of it herself! That could explain why my
wife really has no interest in these activities. I guess that
makes me a "closet submissive", since I can't "practice" inside
of our marriage. She doesn't like teasing and denial at all, so
I just "want".

It is helpful to understand your travels down these roads with
David.

Thank you.
Sincerely,
Pat/gwpm

Hello Pat,

Pat/gwpm wrote:

>This has got to be one of the best explanations I have read on
>this topic! Thank you, Ms. Christine.

You are welcome Pat, and thank you for the compliment.

>I found it helpful to understand that a woman may humiliate
>and dominate her guy and not get anything out of it herself!

I thought my point was quite the opposite. I was explaining that
I did get something out of the scenario that I described,
multiple orgasms for a start... (or perhaps that should be
finish:-).

It's just that David was getting a different impression of why I
was getting such pleasure from it. I was enjoying sexual arousal
from something quite conventional, his sexy noises, while he was
in the head space of thinking I was getting off on some serious
cruelty to his genitals.

But the beauty was it didn't matter even if he did know
precisely what was turning me on. As he later did of course.
The reality was that it was my ordering the pain to his genitals
that was producing the moans which excited me.

My reason for ordering the pain was to produce the moans I
enjoyed hearing. However you look at it, it was sadomasochism
that was doing it for both of us. Even though I'm not a sadist.

Even after I told him what it was that was exciting me, "his
moans", we continued to both get pleasure from the same scenario
again and again. He wanted to believe I was also getting
sadistic pleasure, and why would I try to disavow him of that
belief when it appears to be (almost) true. We are co-
conspirators in his escape into fantasy.

>That could explain why my wife really has no interest in these
>activities.

Now you've lost me Pat. I don't see how that explains why your
wife has no interest?

>I guess that makes me a "closet submissive",

You mean you haven't told her of your desires? Or was that a
joke?

Closets can be a fun place to lock a submissive away when
denying him pleasure. :-)

>since I can't "practice" inside of our marriage. She doesn't
>like teasing and denial at all, so I just "want".

Well if you want, and are not getting any, I guess that means
she is denying you. Just not in the teasing or cruel ways you
would like.

Is there a way she could say "no" that you would enjoy?

Seems a shame to deny without making it fun if it's possible to
find a way to get some mutual pleasure from it. But finding a
way to make reality seem like fantasy can take work and
imagination.

Without more information and an understanding of your situation,
I can only suggest you think about ways that you could give her
what she wants in a way that gets you some of what you would
like.

>It is helpful to understand your travels down these roads with
>David.

Glad that I was of some help, but I'm not sure we have a meeting
of minds yet?

sincerely,
Christine at Ms-Christine.com

My FemDom manuals are at
http://u4ds.com/manuals

teasing and denial fun NOT humiliation

I too find humiliation to be very exciting. However, humiliation
is a funny thing, what is arousingly humiliating to one person
will simply not work for another.

Anyway, one thing I find deliciously humiliating, and is on my
mind since my wife has done it for me the last few mornings, is
the following:

Have your slave/boyfriend make you a delicious meal (breakfast
or dinner is probably best). He is to make it for you alone.
After the meal, handcuff him to the toilet and present him with
his meal to eat off the seat.

It could be from the scraps of your meal or several fridge
leftovers mixed together or whatever you wish. Yesterday at our
house was the leftover bit of her yoghurt and granola with a
dollop of peanut butter (for protein :-) and pickles (the
vegetable).

Today was a piece of bread with jam covered with white pinto
beans, pickles again and more yogurt.

I once wrote a story on literotica that included this idea. You
might find it interesting. In any event literotica is a great
place to read stories (if you simply ignore the ones that are
not your kink).

Here is my story on DOMestic:

Cleaning for Emily, by slcmalemaid

You can search for "humiliation" on literotica and get some
interesting stories (again just block out the ones you find
outside your likes).

Oh and enjoy the endless amounts of oral sex you are most
certainly about to be given ;-)

Hello,

There are plenty of "humiliation ideas" threads on DOMestic
which the guys can reply to with their own favourites. Just put
humiliation into the search box on u4ds.com or go to:-

http://www.mschristine.com/DOMestic_Blog/humiliation/

But let's remember one of the things that Claire asked for.

Claire wrote:

>How can I be pleased sexually and still be humiliating to him?

I think Claire's request is somewhat specific. So, in the spirit
of Claire's request for something "humiliating to him - sexy for
me" I'd like to mention one of my favourites along those lines.

The Dildo Gag, also known as a Dildo Hood or Penis Gag.

This is a device which is designed to please the woman, while
subjecting the male face to being used solely for her pleasure.
This is something that can be humiliating for a male if his own
penis is rejected in favour of riding a "better one" attached to
his face.

I know that many folk have mentioned this idea and described
their experiences with it in the past, and that Christine and I
have mentioned this quite a few times over the years ourselves.

So I did a search of the DOMestic member's area for "Dildo Gag"
and saw many of the posts I remembered. But in addition I was
pleasantly surprised to find something from Christine's personal
diary which she wrote in 1991 (5 years before DOMestic was
created) was also in the results.

Here is a snippet which I think might be useful to Claire:-

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Having enjoyed the dildo gag so much the other night I had
decided that I would be using that in the bedroom this time. But
since half the fun is in the humiliation of it I decided to let
him get his hopes up a little first. I rarely let him have full
intercourse with Me, basically because I think it gives a man
ideas above his station. However I prefer to make him think he
is inadequate by working him up to the stage where he is likely
to orgasm at the moment of entry.

I sat on his lap and we kissed and petted for a while, then when
the ideas were beginning to take shape in my mind and excite Me
I invited him to follow Me into the bedroom. We writhed on the
bed and when he was obviously over excited I let him come on top
for a couple of moments. I held his penis and rubbed it over my
vaginal lips and he moaned with the onset of orgasm. I pushed
him onto his back saying simply:

"Useless!"

Then I fetched the dildo gag and returned to see his crest-
fallen look. As I leaned over him to strap it around his face I
rubbed a little salt into his wounds by saying:

"Well in the absence of a real man I will have to make do with
you in the best way I can!"

Instead of using his nose as a clitoral stimulator I faced his
feet as I lowered Myself slowly onto the dildo. Deeper and
deeper until I had taken it all. With the dildo resting deep
within Me his nose was pressed into my anus. Squirming around
feeling the dual sensations of the dildo and his nose was
ecstatic and eventually was enough to bring Me to a satisfying
vaginal orgasm. After I had used my fingers to add to the
sensations the much needed clitoral stimulation to bring Me
several more orgasms I was finally satiated.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Anyone else care to recount some experiences of the dildo gag,
or other things that are both "humiliating to him" and
importantly "sexy" for her?

sincerely,
David at Ms-Christine.com

The DOMestic discussion list. Now in our fourteenth year. The
password site now has over 6,700 files with well over 400
stories, plus pictures, and hundreds of articles. $26.99 for a
one year password. $16.99 for six months at

http://www.mschristine.com/domsub4.shtml#card

David wrote:

>"The Dildo Gag, also known as a Dildo Hood or Penis Gag"
>-snip- "Anyone else care to recount some experiences of the
>dildo gag"

We have had one of these toys for some years now and its use has
had a profound effect on me. Years ago and I would never have
dreamt of wearing one. But a long relationship as my Mistress's
toy has trained me to understand and appreciate many things I
once found strange.

I love the dildo gag. Ours is not built into a hood although
sometimes it is worn with an open mouth hood. It is quite a
large organ with a smaller stubbier penile gag to fill my mouth.
I find it both intensely humiliating and very exciting to be
used by Her in this manner.

The strangest thing is just how much sensation it produces. Yes,
it must be "in the mind" but when it is used, it is as if I have
become a double headed dildo. I feel so much inside my head, not
just the firmness of her thighs around my head, that familiar
squashing sensation but somehow it is as if sensation is
translated down the outer shaft and into the mouth element.

That's beyond rational explanation I suspect but it is how I
experience this. Which means it is very profound, it is as if
its use has turned me into all cock.

The result is one of my strongest fantasies, that of two women
enjoying afternoon tea together knelt over me, backs straight
up, having swallowed up both my heads first.

I was considering pat/gwmp's comment about his wife not wanting
to be involved. Whilst this may be because of the way he
introduced it to her there are ways that it could be made more
attractive to her. It seems to me that for most people, both Dom
and sub the pleasure is increased if the orgasm is delayed.

So if pat/gwmp's wife wanted to increase her husband's pleasure
she could simply say that in order for him to enjoy his orgasm
more he should not cum for however long she chooses. If she says
this while they are having sex (however she may want to term it)
then she can say it with the best will in the world as a method
of increasing his pleasure and he can see it as a cruel Mistress
who is deliberately delaying his pleasure. The only thing is she
must not go into an explanation that she is only doing it for
his pleasure.

On those same lines, I used to tell my partner he could
masturbate in front of me but he had to ask permission before he
came. Most times he had to beg for a while before I allowed him
to cum (and always with the penalty of having to lick his cum
off a plate and he had to agree to the penalty before he came -
and he always did).

However on some occasions I allowed him to beg for some time
before I told him I was bored with the game and he was to stop
playing with his little weenie and to go and make me a drink as
I had lost interest. Oh the delight in seeing his little sad
face as he took his hands off his little weenie and went off to
make a cup of tea. And yes, I did have a big smile on my face
knowing that he had begged beautifully and I had enjoyed
depriving him.

I would like to add to the comments above concerning humiliation
and the dildo gag. When I was with my Mistress, this never arose
because She was not interested in penetration but I can imagine
that it must be the most humiliating activity a sub can
experience. To have the gag strapped onto his head with the gag
part in his mouth and the large dildo sticking out must make him
look so ridiculous.

I imagine him kneeling with hands shackled behind him while She
stands in front and over him almost straddling his face. She
takes the head of the dildo into her and starts to push herself
onto him while grasping his hair. She 'face-fucks' him like this
until She has her satisfaction.

What must it be like for him? Watching at very close range as
the device slides in and out of that wonderful place where he is
denied entry; he can only watch as She uses him and enjoys
herself while all the time his silly little weenie is hanging
there completely redundant and unwanted.

He can see and smell the wonderful nectar that emanates from
that place where he wants to go but he cannot even lick it. The
dildo is 'enjoying' itself, the Mistress is enjoying herself but
he is just there to be used. Exquisite.

I've been Mistress's dildo on numerous occasions using such a
gag. What you imagine, Pussikat, is close. Kneeling, hands
cuffed behind me, and first slowly wiping the dildo up and down
her to lubricate it, then slowly working it in. And then
thrusting for as long as she wants.

I've performed with my nose hammering the tip of her clitoris,
and with it pushing into her anus. Both are wonderful
experiences, so easy to get lost in the smells, in knowing she's
getting wetter and wetter.

Most of the time, I end up exhausted, sweating, sometimes even
my legs shaking from kneeling there for so long. On a few
occasions I've been rewarded with the removal of the gag so that
I can clean the dildo.

It's one of my favorite services to perform for her.

Soumis: you are so right. Being used this way can mean you have
to work just as hard as the ordinary way. And yet the reward is
just as real. It is a literal head fuck.

humiliated and photographed wearing girly clothes