DOMestic Bdsm and Female Domination

Hello Angel,

Kudos and congratulations are due to you for grasping the bull
by the horns. You can tell your husband from me that he should
be very grateful and he should work a lot harder at this.

Angeloftheknight wrote:-

>He wants me to be dominant but wants it done his
>way and if he doesn't like what I say it doesn't happen.

It seems the problem can be summed in saying he is not being the
"knight" in this relationship at all. A "knight" submits to his
lady and does not dictate the terms.

>I had never heard of bdsm or anything else till I met my
>husband. About 18 months ago my husband had a bout of
>depression and came to Me to talk.

He may need to do a lot more talking to determine precisely what
he does want. It may be that he needs to seek help getting over
his depression (and more) with a kink friendly therapist before
he is ready to play politely.

>He explained that although he has a dominant mind his true
>desire was to be a woman, a submissive sissy. He had secretly
>been crossdressing for years to get a sexual kick.

They are three distinctly separate issues. Becoming a woman is
one thing, and it may be a bit late in life for him to consider
truly changing his gender but it's not out of the question.

Being a submissive sissy is quite another thing, which takes a
lot of devotion and obedience - not just submitting to the
things he wants to do.

Crossdressing, just for the kick of it, is quite different
again. If he sees it as a reward then you can let him have
some of this as a treat in the bedroom. Or if he wants to be
humiliated with it you can "force" him to do it and clean house
when the kids are away with grandparents.

>I have had to learn what a sissy, submissive, dominant and
>everything else was to get this far.

And you've done very well. There are a lot more resources for
you on the DOMestic site, and there is much useful stuff by
myself and others on the site that you would do well to read.

Go to the front page of the blog at www.u4ds.com and then scan
down the menu on the right hand side to topics like....

Communication / Introducing Wife to FemDom
Communication / Slave not submissive
Communication / Wife understands
Learning / Training Hubby

One author on the blog you would do well to read more of is
Madamplz. To paraphrase a Madamplz dog training metaphor - it
seems that your doggy thinks he is training you. You need to
change his mind about that!

>Problem 1. My husband will only submit to things he thinks will
>benefit him. It's all about what he can get out of the sexual
>side of things.

Tell him that this is no good to you and that you intend to take
doggy's ball away until he begs for you to play, and will play
your games by your rules.

If you have a password then take a look at the thread "the
skills to become dominant" at:-

http://u4ds.com/2007/10/the_skills_to_become_dominant.shtml

Where Madamplz wrote:-

>"It may very well be that all he really needs are a few well
>placed corrections to lose that aggression. People who bully
>to get what they want respond very well to sharp correction without
>attitude. That can be developed as her awareness of what
>dominance is develops." -snip-

>"When I was actively training animals I noticed that you could
>take a dog with very dominant instincts and teach him to
>accept the trainer as pack leader. It didn't necessarily mean
>that dog wouldn't challenge the pack leader from time to time
>because that's also a part of pecking order survival. But as
>long as pack leader continued to act in the capacity of pack
>leader, those challenges wouldn't go very far. Usually a stern
>word, a leash correction, a refusal to engage, and sometimes
>physically putting the dog down to bare his belly would end
>the challenge.

You need now to develop a plan of action to implement as
described by Madamplz in that thread. So first tell us all on
the blog/list more about what it is that you want to actually
happen. How do you see the relationship working to suit you?

Once we know what it is that you actually want to do, and how
you would like to do it, we can probably tell you how to go
about getting what you want.

Angeloftheknight wrote:-

>Problem 2. I cannot get him to stop downloading sissy pics and
>pictures of sexy looking woman who he alleges he wants to look
>like.

Are you suggesting that you don't believe this and that you
think he's just downloading wanking material?

>Any ideas, advice or tips would be greatly appreciated.

I think that we first need to develop your plan to cure problem
one, and then ordering how he uses the computer in future will
just be a detail which becomes a lot easier.

sincerely, Christine

The Fem Dom Training Software.
Advises on how best to train your husband/lover.
http://www.mschristine.com/program.shtml

All I want from this is a more attentive husband who puts my
needs first, makes me feel wanted, loved and appreciated as a
sexy, attractive woman. Instead of the woman who is there to be
used to indulge his fantasies.

My husband has had help with his depression and is much better
now.

I love tease and denial (my husband hates it) humiliation is
something we both enjoy, light bondage and 'forced fem'.

As for downloading pics, when I first moved in with my husband
he was using pics to wank to, up to 5 times a day. He has since
stopped wanking to pics but still gets incredibly turned on by
them and looks at them for hours at a time.

Hope this helps.

Angel

i can be a slave

I think your husband wants it his way because he has not
realised that when he tries to get it his way he does not get
any of what he wants.

As Christine suggests, I think you should make it plain to your
husband that you would like him to be a submissive sissy and you
will help him be one but only on the strict understanding that
you choose how he is submissive. Tell him that it is not
submissive if he is telling you how he is going to submit.

Tell him you want to do it your way for a month and he must
agree to doing it your way for the month. Tell him that if at
any time within the month he objects then you will immediately
stop helping him to be a submissive sissy and you will never
again indulge him in this respect.

Tell him that this condition is so important that you will only
have the one month trial if he signs to say that he fully
understands the condition.

Explain to him that at the end of the month you are quite happy
to discuss with him what happened during that month and you will
decide after that discussion whether you will continue to teach
him to be a submissive sissy in the way that you want which may
or may not include any element of what he thinks should happen.
Explain that if he does not then agree to continue on the basis
that you are the one who decides what will happen you will not
continue on this path.

Remind him that he is extraordinarily lucky that you are
prepared to work at this for both your sakes but that you need
to make it work for you otherwise there is no reason why you
should do it and you are certainly not taking on some new
behaviour that gives him all the benefits and you none.

Take control of the computer, get him to wear a chastity device,
make sure you control his orgasms and that they only happen in a
manner that pleases you, when you are present and directing
them.

Read and absorb everything that Madamplz and Christine have
written because they both have enormous experience.

Hello,

lowill wrote:

>i can be a slave

5 words is very short for a post to any forum. Would you care to
say a bit more than that lowill?

Regardless of how short the post is, raising the topic of "being
a slave" in this thread makes me wonder if perhaps I should put
a cat among the pigeons :-)

Perhaps "lowill" you are Angel's husband telling us and her in
this forum that you could be "a slave" for her?

Are you perhaps suggesting that currently you are a submissive
trying to get his needs met, and that what the ladies say they
want is a slave to obey them?

Are you telling Angel to do as Susan and Christine have
suggested and lay down the law and demand your obedience?

sincerely,
David at Ms-Christine.com

Download "Prickteasing" by David at:-
http://www.u4ds.com/manuals