DOMestic Bdsm and Female Domination

Hello Gerald,

I've just edited your very moving account of your marriage to
Audrey.

I'm sending this reply to you privately before it is actually
posted to DOMestic.

I think you should stop and think carefully before you act on
your plan to send your message on to Audrey by email. You know
her, and we do not, but it is always best to sleep on things
before firing off an email.

Wouldn't it be better to talk to Audrey first and tell her that
you've just read my caning/belting account on DOMestic, that you
found it erotic, and inspiring, and ask her if she would mind
reading it and your response on DOMestic.

If she agrees, then you could send her both my message, and your
own response to it.

The advantage of this approach is that Audrey would have time to
adjust, question you on why you want to send it to her, and
consider whether she wants to go further, before being thrust
back into your kink.

Basically I'm saying don't push her off the diving board at the
pool, ask her if she wants to jump.

Sometimes we find it hard to do what should be the easiest thing
in the world, to just talk to each other.

sincerely,
David

You can read my own (now very old) article "why" at
https://www.mschristine.com/why.shtml

Hello Christine and David,

Thanks for helping Gerald and I through our issues.

Gerald did as David recommended and asked my permission before
sending me both messages. As David suggested I did ask Gerald
why he wanted me to read them, even though I could guess it was
going to be about "getting his needs met".

It was hard for him to say it, but he blurted out, "because I
think I need to be punished" and I could see that there were
tears in his eyes.

The tears surprised me, and I immediately felt sympathy for him
but I still felt inherent hostility to his request for
punishment or discipline.

David was right, it is sometimes difficult to just talk. That is
true for Gerald and I. So I told him I would read the messages
and reply here on DOMestic. I'm so grateful to you for being
there to edit and make our conversation accessible to others.

There is one positive, and that is that by sharing as you have
done we'll be able to help others. Anyway....

The problem is that Gerald, being a person with a sex drive that
is obviously still going strong, may not understand what it's
like being a person who doesn't have an interest any more.

Beyond that, I don't think he grasped my true motivation when I
was sexually active. It was his kink and while it's true that I
got a lot of pleasure from it, the reason it pleased me was
because he was so very excited by what I did to him, that his
joy triggered my own arousal. A very positive circle we had
going for us.

Now though, it is in danger of becoming very negative, if I feel
obliged to do something that I view as being sexual for him when
there is no arousal for me any more.

I want him to get his sexual pleasure, but I don't want to feel
that I have to be a part of it.

I _CAN_ be a part of it sometimes, maybe, and it might even be
enjoyable sometimes, _IF_ I don't feel stressed by the need to
do it.

So, Gerald said something at the end of his message which maybe
I can work with "Only when and if the mood strikes you would be
more than enough for me"

If I take Gerald at his word, and I'm sure he means what he says
now at least, then once in a while it might be amusing to thrash
him - at least I think it might be. But I'm not sure how often
I'd like to? When I'm not feeling any obligation it may be more
often? I just don't know.

There are other issues of getting old that I would have to
overcome, not least is the memory issue.

It could be days and days, running on into weeks before I
remember, "Oh yes, I did promise I'd hit him once in a while" -
and then if I do remember, and it's been months, how do I
suddenly do something that I haven't done in ages.

Lastly, there is the problem of aches and pains and aging. I
can't do everything I used to, and wielding the cane isn't as
easy for me as it used to be.

Your thoughts?

Thanks very much.
Audrey

From: Christine at Ms-Christine.com

Hello Audrey,

Thanks for your frank and touching email.

Reading both your email and Gerald's email, the way I see it, is
that my mission if I choose to accept it ;-) is to suggest a
plan that will:-

1. Make sure you remember to discipline Gerald on very rare
occasions, but never put you in a position where you feel
obliged to..

2. Make sure that Gerald knows you will do so at some distant
future date, and keeps himself mentally ready to obey you so
that when it happens he is receptive to it and ready to take it
without causing you any embarrassment.

3. Provides a method of discipline that is not too strenuous for
you.

Hmmm. That doesn't seem so hard, not knowing your precise
physical capabilities. I'll tackle the easiest part first and
see how we go.

Memory:- You could use a memory aid that helps you not to forget
things for months on end, but at the same time doesn't impose a
sense of obligation.

Set a frequency for an alarm, text message or email reminder
with content that will not stress you or impose any obligation
on you. There are email and SMS text reminder services on the
web. But nowadays most phones are up to the task.

OK:- that's easy to say, but implementation?

I've adapted below a memory aid system I've used with my
"wanker".

I like to be reminded daily, so that when I ignore it (most
days) I still stay abreast of what my wanker is up to. I also
like my submissive to get lots of daily exercise so in the
system I suggest for you below I've used "day", but it could
just as easily be every Saturday afternoon, or the 13th day of
every month. Whatever works best for you.

Every ___ day at 3.30pm Gerald's phone alarm/wake up call sounds
on his phone, at which time he is under standing orders (only
when you are alone at home) to go to the "machine" room.
(machine? - all will hopefully become clear)

If he is/was in the same room as you when his alarm goes off, he
has now left the room. If he was not in your presence, this has
not disturbed you at all.

His alarm time is earlier than yours so that there is no stress
placed on you by his presence when your own alarm or reminder
happens.

Every ___ day at 3.35 pm an alarm goes off on Audrey's phone,
ideally with an innocent message displayed like "machine time".
This is to indicate to you that Gerald is either going to be
using the exercise machine (or getting excited and wanking)
about now.

(If you haven't got a machine, get him to buy one. Daily
exercise is better for him than wanking!)

No obligation on you to do anything more yourself. That's it,
your mission is done. Gerald is now busy following the plan
detailed below.

If you are with anyone, or not at home, then the machine time
message is either postponed or forgotten.

BTW:- Machine is also an anagram of "cane him" which I find
amuses me, but it may helpfully suggest to you that an alternate
to the exercise machine is the anagram "cane him" if you happen
to feel like it today. If not, no worries, Gerald is now busy.

But how is he busy?

Standing orders:- In the machine room Gerald is allowed to stand
in the corner facing the wall or a clock and wank for up to half
an hour, he must open his phone and view videos or pictures of
you (or not - whatever suits you) and wank while thinking or
saying "I have to do my punishment exercise to please Mistress
Audrey when she commands."

If he doesn't want the permitted wank (never happens with my
submissive) he can go straight to the exercise machine.

4pm. is his punishment machine time. And for him this is because
you wish it or command it. His phone could send another alarm
message to him at this time to remind him to stop wanking and
get some real exercise (no need for another phone message if he
is facing a clock in the room).

If you arrive in his presence before 4pm it is most likely
because you are in the mood to "thrash him" - lucky Gerald!
Order him to stop wanking and tell him to get in position. Go
for it Audrey!

On most (or many) days you have not arrived by 4pm so he is then
to stop wanking and get on the exercise machine and start
pedalling, rowing, or whatever the machine is designed for. He
must stay on the machine until at least 4.30pm.

There is a strong likelihood he will be there with an erection
at 4.30pm. if he is thinking something along the lines of "this
is the punishment that Mistress Audrey has ordered" and
hopefully that is what has been achieved by this plan.

Gerald is now much healthier and probably much happier ;-)

The purpose of the above was simply to create a memory aid and
an opportunity for Audrey to punish if you wish to take it. We
will assume you will not usually take the opportunity, so
nothing more is needed from you.

It is up to Gerald what happens after machine time. I would
recommend that Gerald has a list of at least 7 self administered
spurting punishments in the machine room or somewhere that he
can access them. The list should be labelled by the days of the
week. Permission is not granted to ejaculate unless the self
administered punishment of the day is used. (let me know if
you'd like a list of 7)

On the rare occasion you do decide to apply a dose of discipline
yourself you will need an implement.

Punishment Implement and aches and pains:-

As I too suffer aches and pains I tend to choose the implement
that I can most easily wield based on my current condition. I
find a riding crop can produce a lovely result with the minimum
of effort or force.

Or you could use a broad, heavy and slightly flexible paddle.
One that you can let fall without too much force, a paddle that
produces a nice wide red swathe across the bottom. I have a big
leather strap that Klaus gave me thirty years ago that still
does that job well. A very long plastic ruler is surprisingly
good for this.

A cat of nine tails like my own with thin leather laces, with or
without the knots, is possibly the best as it can be flicked
across the recipient/victim and produces a result with little or
no effort.

The cat can be great fun if you've taken a comfortable sitting
position that allows using the implement with little or no
movement.

(watch me using the cat in "The Caning", as Gerald has a copy of
it, and you can see how little effort it takes for my "wanker"
to apparently fear it much more than the cane and thus for me to
enjoy it more - maximum given with minimum effort).

You can task Gerald to invent, manufacture or find implement/s
that with minimal force provides the maximum redness. With the
internet to help him he should be able to get lots of opinions
on how best to achieve that.

(let me know if you'd like me to post a picture of any of the
implements I've discussed and I'll try and oblige)

If you'd like any more help from me or David, just send in
another message.

A radical alternative is to employ a professional to visit and
administer regular punishment, but that may be beyond your
emotional limits or budget. I might consider this myself if I
ever become physically incapable of administering an occasional
thrashing.

I'm quite unusual in the that the menopause has been with me
much longer than I care to remember, but after I'd been going
through it for about 15 years it started to very seriously and
radically impact on the way David and I play some twelve years
ago.

Yes, add those two together and that is around 30 years of hot
flushes and worse and no sign of it stopping yet!

Anyway there are a number of threads (some initiated by me)
discussing this on DOMestic in 2006 at:-

https://u4ds.com/2006/02/february_28th_2006.shtml

The good news is that there is fun to be had during and
hopefully beyond the menopause.

That is if I ever see that magical place over the rainbow and
beyond the menopause.

sincerely,
Christine

The DOMestic discussion list. Now in our 23rd year. The password
site now has over 6,700 files with well over 400 stories, plus
pictures, and many hundreds of articles. Still only $26.99 for a
one year password. $16.99 for six months at

http://u4ds.com/password

Hello Christine,

Thanks for your clever plan. Probably more than I will actually
need, but I appreciate the way you tried to cover all the bases
for both of us. Flow charts and marriage guidance ideas all
evident in one post?

I think that you may have interpreted my remark "how do I
suddenly do something that I haven't done in ages" to mean
suddenly becoming "Mistress" to Gerald again. And I think you
thought that there would be a problem for Gerald in getting back
in the mood to be my "Slave" and being receptive to punishment,
hence sending him off with rules about masturbating.

I don't think there is any problem for Gerald, in becoming slave
again, and seeing me as his mistress. Quite the opposite. And
I've no doubt he doesn't need me to tell him to masturbate to
get him in the mood for a caning. He clearly wants it too much
for there to be any problem there.

The problem would arise when I start feeling he was thinking of
me as "Mistress Audrey". His "Mistress" is not coming back.
Mistress Audrey was mostly a sexual role play, which fulfilled
both of us with sexual pleasure and gave me a level of control I
enjoyed. Sexual pleasure had an emotional role in our
relationship which is now gone for me.

If I give Gerald what he clearly still needs at an emotional
level, I now know that it will also arouse him sexually. I'm not
sure I know how to process his arousal. How do we detach the sex
from the control. I wonder, how do I do something different to
what we used to do so that neither of us will expect what we
previously did?

Anyway, I know he needs me to cane him. I'm just in the process
of deciding how best to do it and how often would work best.
And as Gerald obviously reads this blog, I'm thinking it may not
be a good idea to announce my plan here?

You certainly gave me a way to think through the issues for
myself. I see why your plan had Gerald leaving to do some
exercise before my reminder occurred, and yes you are right, it
wouldn't work if an audible alarm announced to both me and
Gerald that I might be considering giving him some punishment.

That would create disappointment in Gerald if I didn't cane him,
and create stress for me, in that I'd feel I had to. However, I
do have an app that gives me a reminder, and I can set it to not
emit any sounds.

So, I could do as you do, and get a daily reminder, and just
ignore it if it's not convenient. I think a reminder at longer
intervals than every day or two might create a situation where I
never got round to doing anything at all. If I find a way to
process or ignore his arousal, it might be that I'd want to cane
him most days?

The anagram was lovely. Sending Gerald for regular exercise was
inspired. Because we do have a couple of machines, now back in
their original boxes in the garage. We've got a treadmill and a
rowing machine. We got out of the habit of using those toys, and
I needed the box room for guests, so they've been buried at the
back of the garage for years.

So I'm thinking it may be best not to have Gerald get any kind
of reminder on his phone, and then when my app reminds me, I can
safely decide whether to just ignore it, suggest he got some
exercise, or decide to cane him.

Many thanks once again,
Audrey

Hello Audrey,

you wrote:

>Flow charts and marriage guidance ideas all evident

Yes, my first job out of school, computer programming, still
shows in the way I tackle many issues. Marriage guidance?
Probably not so good at that, but you also wrote:-

>You certainly gave me a way to think through the issues for
>myself.

I'm glad. Perhaps that's how marriage guidance works?

>you may have interpreted my remark "how do I suddenly do
>something that I haven't done in ages" to mean suddenly
>becoming "Mistress" to Gerald again.

It was more along the lines of thinking that if you left it
weeks or months between giving him some much needed discipline,
without having established a new style, such as that of the
disciplinary wife, that you might need to at least appear to be
"The Mistress" to make it work for one or both of you.

>you thought that there would be a problem for Gerald in getting
>back in the mood to be my "Slave" and being receptive to
>punishment, hence sending him off with rules about
>masturbating.

Yes, that is something that some men find. They need to get into
a Mistress/slave kinky mindset before accepting the discipline
that they need, but that so often they love to hate. They want
to believe they are being forced.

The reason that many men indulge themselves in extreme FemDom
fantasising in the first place, is that they find it difficult
to accept that they actually long to be regularly disciplined or
caned by a strong woman.

So instead of asking her to be a disciplinary wife, he instead
suggests lots of kinky sex games.

I have found as we transitioned into post menopausal life that I
am now able to discipline David on a daily basis without any
need for ideas about kinky sex or force. So, I am now a
disciplinary wife, who has lots more knowledge of FemDom than
many. But I don't need to use it, I just tell him he's going to
get a caning, and he takes it without protest.

That FemDom knowledge is handy if I ever did want to use it. But
I no longer find I need or want to indulge in the kinkier styles
of behaviour often, and if I ever do so now, it is by way of a
treat for David. You'll see such play reflected in what David
writes, because he enjoys the fantasy.

>he doesn't need me to tell him to masturbate to get him in the
>mood for a caning. He clearly wants it too much for there to
>be any problem there.

Then I'd say that he would present no problem to you in adopting
whatever style suits you.

>If I give Gerald what he clearly still needs at an emotional
>level, I now know that it will also arouse him sexually. I'm
>not sure I know how to process his arousal.

How we process the arousal of another person depends on what we
think it represents.

If it represents a demand or expectation then it might be
perceived as negative.

If it represents appreciation without any expectation whatsoever
then it can be processed positively.

As Mae West would say....

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me"

So, I like it when he's pleased to see me. I can now take an
erection as a compliment on the way I look without thinking he
is expecting anything. That's a great place to be for me. A real
benefit of the menopause.

Just as I like it when he's pleased to be bent over taking his
discipline. I know I don't have to do anything else, and if I
thrash him until he begs and an erection is still evident, then
I know I've not crossed any lines. He's just showing his
appreciation.

It's nice to know that a man is appreciative of his discipline .

>How do we detach the sex from the control.

I think it's already detached as much as it will ever be. It's
unrealistic to expect that something which fulfils a person, man
or woman, emotionally will not have some affect on how they feel
sexually. If that person is a man who is still potent or
sexually active, then that effect will cause visible arousal.

>how do I do something different to what we used to do so that
>neither of us will expect what we previously did?

Reading Gerald's post again suggests to me that he no longer
expects what you previously did. I think that it may be your own
feelings about what is expected of you, or that you expect of
yourself, that is the barrier to moving forward.

>I'm just in the process of deciding how best to do it and how
>often would work best

As often as you like. Gerald is probably going to be reading
this and thinking the more often the better. But he would also
now accept that it should not be more often than you feel you
want to do it.

>as Gerald obviously reads this blog, I'm thinking it may not be
>a good idea to announce my plan here?

I don't think we need to hear your plan. But I do think Gerald
needs to know what it is. I'm a great believer in communication
in relationships.

If your plan is to not have a plan, then it's best that Gerald
understands how that is going to work.

>If I find a way to process or ignore his arousal, it might be
>that I'd want to cane him most days?

I didn't want to at first. But as I came to the realisation that
David no longer expected anything of me, but simply greatly
appreciated whatever he got, then yes the positive circle
resumed so that now I do want to cane him most days.

It may seem daft, but now I'm irritated if life gets in the way
and events stop me remembering to give him at least one caning
in a day.

So if my aide memoir pops up on my phone, when lunch has gone on
too long with friends, I may just smile and click 'remind me
later'.

>it may be best not to have Gerald get any kind of reminder on
>his phone, and then when my app reminds me, I can safely decide
>whether to just ignore it, suggest he got some exercise, or
>decide to cane him.

Yes. Or just click 'remind me later'.

If I get to bedtime without caning David because we've been run
off our feet, and I finally remember it at the last minute as my
head hits the pillow, I may just use my memory of FemDom
techniques to give him something to fantasise over, as a treat.

I still love the brown packing tape I wrote about in "More fun
with packing tape" at:-

http://www.mschristine.com/DOMestic/ms_ch174.htm

So I've been known to call him in and say drowsily "Put the
packing tape on tonight, and you can ask me for a treat before
removing it tomorrow".

I've often adapted David's own fantasies to suit me over the
years. He had one where he got little treats in a lovely little
fictional story called "From Stiletto to Fluffy Slippers" at:-

http://www.mschristine.com/DOMestic/david00.htm#slipper

It's complete nonsense about me forcing him to take severe
punishment. But I particularly enjoyed his pathetic acceptance
as he described it at the end of part two so I made my own
version of that into a reality.

This is how his packing tape came off one afternoon.....

"Please may I remove the packing tape and have a little treat
Ma'am?"

"Yes. Take it off now. I want you in position on the bed after
my shower for a caning. You can have a little treat after that."

I came out of the shower, and got dressed in the bedroom as I
watched him to make sure he wasn't peeking.

"Are we ready wanker?"

"Yes Ma'am, thank you Ma'am."

He was enthusiastically thanking his wife for disciplining and
punishing him because he hoped for a little treat. What a
pathetic wimp he wants to feel he is!

Ten with the cane went much as usual, He was accustomed to
those. I didn't ask him to count them.

"Treat time. Would you like to see me in stockings wanker?"

"Oh yes please Ma'am."

His eagerness was indeed pathetic. A rare treat indeed.

"It will cost you another thirty.... Will you pay that?"

"Oh yes Ma'am please Ma'am. I'd love to give you thirty for such
a wonderful privilege Ma'am."

So, he had thirty more and this time he counted them for me as I
ordered.

"OK wimp. Here it is, have a look at me you pathetic little man.
Turn your head."

He did so, and to his surprise I was there without a skirt. His
words now from his story.....

That delicious little mound of venus covered in silky panties
above dark tan stockings was in plain view. She had been like
that for how long? I could have had my treat without asking for
one, just by turning my head.

Back to reality.....

"Would you like to go to the garage for a wank now?"

"Yes please Ma'am. But can I look at you for just a little
longer please."

"OK but I will have to cane you while you look. Treats have a
price."

"Yes Ma'am, thank you Ma'am."

I took up the thin cane, as I'm not that mean ;-)

"No need to count, but you can beg me to stop whenever you
like."

I continued for maybe thirty more strokes until it became clear
he wasn't going to beg any time soon. He was probably enjoying
the combination of thin cane and ogling me too much to want it
to stop.

"Enjoying your treat."

"Oh yes Ma'am thank you Ma'am."

"Have a good long look, it's going to cost you ten strokes of
the thick cane if you want to spurt down in the garage as you
remember this treat. Is it worth another ten with the thick
cane?"

"Oh yes Ma'am, it is worth it, thank you Ma'am."

"Very well then, don't take your eyes off me while you pay for
the privilege."

Back to his words from the story......

And I did not, and they were the loveliest ten strokes I've ever
taken. Painful, but lovely. Can you believe it? I was in heaven
as my wife caned my backside.

Back to reality....

"Treat over now. Go and toss off..."

"Thank you Ma'am" he uttered as he dove down to the floor and
kissed my feet.

"Enough now.... I know you are grateful, and so you should be,
now go."

He got up and scuttled away.

I removed the stockings and put on a thin dress more suitable
for the heat of the afternoon.

When he returned to the living room after his nasty spurt in the
garage. I asked him "Is your bottom sore."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Good. Was it worth it?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh Yes, Ma'am, I'm sure it was worth it Ma'am. Thank you
Ma'am."

I laughed, "You are so much easier to control nowadays."

sincerely,
Christine at Ms-Christine.com

Renew or get your DOMestic password at
http://u4ds.com/password

Christine,

I've been following your discussion with Audrey and given that he likes to think you've forced him, I wonder what justification you offer to david for having to accept daily discipline.

My house-husband is a very good boy, who hardly ever does anything to displease me, so I don't have anything to punish him for. So, when I decide to give him a spanking, he often protests that he's done nothing wrong.

I just tell him that I like to see his bottom nicely reddened. But I wonder if that's enough for him.

Thanks as usual,
Susan

Hello Susan,

you wrote:

>when I decide to give him a spanking, he often protests
>that he's done nothing wrong.

Submissives often like to protest because they want to hear your
response. If he truly hasn't done anything wrong then you can
simply say...

"No, you've been a very good boy. I'm very pleased with your
behaviour. That's why I only give you a regular spanking. Bad
boys get much worse..."

>I just tell him that I like to see his bottom nicely reddened.
>But I wonder if that's enough for him.

I think that's likely to be perfect for him. They often like to
believe that they suffer because you enjoy it. Liking to see it
red is the kind of thing that means it's all about you, not
him.

If he wants more re-assurance that it's because you enjoy it,
he's likely to say something like... "But it's not fair."

When they say stuff like that it's usually because they want to
hear your response. It's emotionally satisfying to them to have
you assure them that they have to suffer for you.

In which case you could agree. "No, of course it's not fair.
It's for my pleasure, not yours. Don't you want to please me? Or
are you going to be a selfish boy today?"

The more unreasonable such a position seems, the more satisfying
it is for many submissives.

So that even if you disagree, "Of course it's fair. When we
women keep men's bottoms well reddened, you behave much better.
So it's obviously good for you. You don't want to be one of
those nasty macho louts who are not properly controlled by a
woman do you?"

That may also seem unreasonable and thus exciting. Just as when
you obfuscate, and neither agree nor disagree.

"Are you arguing and talking back to me? Perhaps you are not
such a good boy who should get a bit more than a spanking today?
We can use the ____ if your attitude needs adjustment."

(Insert appropriate escalation in the blank)

That's a good position to take if you want an excuse to give him
a bit extra.

Or, simply. "Are you forgetting who's the boss in this house?"

It doesn't really matter what position you like to take, the
important thing is it is your position at that moment.

Even if you change it the next day, at the time it's one he can
believe in and his fantasy has become reality.

Hopefully that means yours has too?

BTW I agree. A nice red bottom on a man looks much nicer.
That's what I told David yesterday. ;-)

sincerely, Christine

The Fem Dom Training Software. Also on your phone and mobile
devices. Advises on how best to train your husband/lover.
http://www.mschristine.com/program.shtml

Susan and Christine, (and David?)

Thanks for your input on this topic.

The news is that I did give Gerald a caning. He obviously didn't
give any resistance to the idea, or question my motives for
caning him.

In some ways it was pitiful to see him so willingly submit
himself to such an indignity, and without any reason for it.
Except of course that I was aware of his erection and arousal.

As I landed each stroke I found myself questioning his reasoning
in going through with this, as it wasn't going to lead to
getting me into bed with him, which was in the past, I thought,
his motivation.

Which still left me conflicted. He is aroused, and I'm not
offering anything. I'm feeling guilt and sympathy even pity.
Apart from the visible signs of Gerald's enjoyment, none of it
feels positive as it did back in the day when eventually one or
both of us got some sexual pleasure at the end of it.

Gerald was quiet and obedient, taking his punishment without
protest. I didn't know what to say while I did it without
becoming the Mistress again. If I become his Mistress, that
brings with it the idea of an eventual sexual climax, if not for
me, then at least for him.

I thought about saying something like Susan said. But the sight
of his bottom didn't do anything for me, so I didn't want to lie
and say I liked his striped red bottom. So I was silent too.
It ended with me telling him to pull up his pants as I left the
room.

Not sure when, how, or even if, I can do this again.

Your thoughts please, many thanks.
Audrey

Audrey,

As you seem to think there should be some payoff for gerald in the form of sex, why not let him have a reward, or make him pay for a treat, with strokes of the cane.

Then you would be happier that gerald wasn't subjecting himself to pain without pleasure, and gerald would be getting what he wants twice over.

The other morning I woke up to be aware that my subby was a bit fidgety in the bed. I reached over and found his cock was hard. So I toyed with it for a while until he was begging for release. Then I offered him a spurt, but first he had to agree to pay for it with 50 strokes.

When he agreed I stopped toying with his cock and said, "Oh good. I'll try my new riding crop on your botty this afternoon and you can have your spurt afterwards. Or would you prefer to spurt now, and get the 50 strokes after that."

I love it, the ideas I pick up here on DOMestic. Of course he had no choice but to accept the 50 in the afternoon, rather than get his strokes after spurting, which meant going without release until then.

After he had taken his fifty bending over the ottoman at the end of the bed, I did what Christine did to david in her video. I had my subby stand on his head so I could get easy access to his cock to play with it.

He was able to look up my skirt as I slapped his cock, which I love doing before I jerk him off. I also tried what you did to gerald and used my washing up gloves to give my subby a handjob. The advantage of using rubber gloves is I can rub in some deep heat cream on his balls, without getting any on my hands.

Maybe it's an idea you could use on gerald. Say 50 of the cane for a handjob while looking up your skirt. An offer he won't refuse I'd say.

best to you and Christine,
Susan.

Susan,

Good idea if Audrey doesn't mind getting involved with gerald's cock.

An alternative is to make him use deep heat on himself. He can be instructed to stand on his head, use deep heat, and spurt on his own face in your absence if that is your preference.

Paying for authorised spurts with daily discipline is a good way to go. Unauthorised wanking could be without spurting, and extra punishment if spurting without permission is even suspected.

strictly,
Christine
My manuals are at:-
https://www.mschristine.com/manual.shtml

My darling Audrey,

Thank you for caning me last month, it was wonderful to feel
your attention in that way again. I do not have the words to
adequately express my gratitude.

Ms. Susan thinks you would be happier if there was some form of
sexual reward involved for me. I can assure you that I do not
need that, but if it would make you happy that's fine.

Ms Christine thinks daily discipline from a "disciplinary wife"
is best for chaps like me. And while that would be lovely, I can
assure you that I do not think it fair on you to expect anything
like that.

I'm happy with whatever frequency makes you feel happy and
comfortable.

I am saddened that you felt pity for me when I was enjoying
profound fulfillment as a result of your gift to me Although if
you did find anything about my pathetic supine submission so
pitiful that you might want to enjoy it or mock it, that would
be fine too. Whatever works for you will be pleasing to me.

I should perhaps explain that my arousal during the caning is
not because caning is a sexual act for me. Being punished by you
is an expression of female power over me. Female power being
brought to bear upon me has always excited me. I used to enjoy
that power being expressed in the form of teasing and denial
when you enjoyed my sexual attentions in that way.

You should not feel any guilt, that this is no longer our way
of conducting ourselves, as it is not your responsibility
to provide me with the sexual pleasure you may feel I want.

Ms Christine says that she feels appreciation is evident if
david's erection is present at the end of his caning. I'm in
slight disagreement. Part of the pleasure is that it is supposed
to be painful, and an expression of power. So for that reason
I'd be emotionally fulfilled if you caned me until my erect
penis no longer offended, if that was truly your wish.

My erection starts to become evident at the moment of hearing
your instruction to prepare for a caning. It is evidence that
being under female control is profoundly fulfilling to me.
Except by being aroused, I am unable to express any pleasure
during the caning. I don't utter any words of appreciation for
any pain I may feel as it would feel more appropriate for me to
be a victim of female power and beg for it to stop.

I was also silent during the caning because I did not want to
say anything that would in any way distress you. I'd be happy to
beg and plead with you to stop. Or obey an instruction to thank
you for caning me, and ask for another, or respond in any way
you would find appropriate or acceptable. If you ordered me to
say I loved it, then I would do so, and I would love the fact
that you ordered it.

Obviously I'd love to be invited into your bed to give you
pleasure, but I think I know now that you do not wish me to
express that kind of desire. It would be my pleasure to express
that as a desire if you wished me to do so. Equally I'd be happy
to be caned for expressing such a desire if you would enjoy
that.

I can see that it is hard for you to understand why I find being
caned fulfilling, and it must be confusing that I still enjoy it
without it being part of sexual interaction between us.

It is not a sexual act, it is an expression of female power.
That power does provide me with intense arousal every time I
experience it, and it continues to arouse me as I remember your
control in the past and as I feel the effects of your cane
during several hours after the event.

It is not only the physical sensation that I find fulfilling. It
is the feeling of your power being exerted over me that is
fulfilling. The cane is just a very convenient way of expressing
how much power you have over me. Which is why, if I were to beg
for you to stop, I'd feel your power over me if you did not
immediately cease my punishment, but instead added extra strokes
for protesting.

The memory of your control and the expression of your power just
by virtue of the instruction to get into position lasts way
beyond the physical sensation.

Some other motivation for my being caned, or for your taking
control, might be helpful to you. So if you have any reasons you
would prefer to ascribe to your control and my punishment that
would be good for me. Or if you have anything you think I should
be punished for, that would be ok with me. I only want to make
it as acceptable to you as I can.

I now realise I should not have addressed you as Mistress when I
asked you to consider caning me. I did not have the right to ask
you to be my Mistress and I should not have signed myself as
your slave.

I'm also indebted to Christine and david for providing this
forum and allowing us to benefit from the advice offered by
members, while at the same time allowing a method of
communication between us.

This is such a complex and emotional issue for both of us that
I'm in agreement with you that discussing it here is probably
the best way to arrive at a mutual understanding without either
of us getting upset.

Paraphrasing only slightly what I said in my first post here.
Darling Audrey, I will always love you and would be more
grateful than I can express in words if you would cane me once
in a while. Only when and if the mood strikes you, and for
whatever reason, would be more than enough for me.

Your ever faithful and loving husband,
gerald.

ps. a personal thank you to david for answering my private email
and helping me to communicate my feelings better.

Hello Ms Audrey,

You wrote:

>(and David?)

Ms Audrey thanks for asking for my input. I'll try to be
helpful to you.

You also wrote:

>I found myself questioning his reasoning in going through
>with this, as it wasn't going to lead to getting me into bed
>with him, which was in the past, I thought, his motivation

Gerald mentions your "power" at least three times in his post,
and you are right that ostensibly "getting you into bed" is used
by some submissives as the reason for submission to "female
power".

This makes the power sexual power. Whereas I suspect you want to
move beyond that to some other reason for your power.

Gerald also wrote:

>Some other motivation for my being caned, or for your taking
>control, might be helpful to you. So if you have any reasons you
>would prefer to ascribe to your control and my punishment that
>would be good for me

What is clear is that he wants to feel he is submitting to your
power, and if sex is not to be the source of that power he is
also happy for it to be founded on something else.

At the moment he is not asking you to express the basis upon
which your power is being wielded, but I'd say it is only a
matter of time until he wants you to say why he has to submit to
you. I think he wants to accept any rational answer to that, as
long as it sounds like your answer.

Gerald's position in his recent post is "anything you say goes",
and he has previously expressed fantasies about you and "real
men".

So I think your answer could be as simple as "If you love me you
will do as I say" and "I like caning you, and you are not a real
man so you'll just have to take your punishment like a wimp."

But I think he is also asking you to take the lead and lay down
guidelines for him in many areas of your lives.

I think he is asking you to declare how much regular discipline
he should be required to receive, why he might be additionally
punished, what for, when, and for you to go further and lay down
the law on what he can say, do and feel in your intimate
relationship.

Ms Audrey, I think you can use this to create a non-sexual basis
for your dominance in whatever way you want, just as long as it
is seen to be what you want..

sincerely,
David at Ms-Christine.com

Download "Games People Play" by David at
http://www.mschristine.com/manual.shtml

It's interesting that you mention gerald wanting to experience
Audrey's power.

I used to feel powerful when I kept my subby chaste and denied
him permission to spurt, but since I let him spurt most days now
for health, I'm missing that feeling of power.

He still wears his chastity belt. especially when he is not with
me and I do now discipline him daily by making him pay for his
spurts as I think Christine suggested when he was being a bit
surly.

While I'm applying discipline, or even the toilet treatment you
recommended Christine, I of course get a power surge. But that
is of limited duration.

What techniques would you suggest for me (and my slaveboy) to
get that feeling of power over a longer period.

I'm sure he'd like that as much as I would. I'd guess gerald and
Audrey might like it too?

Thanks again.
Helen

Hi Helen,

There is one thing that makes me feel almost as powerful as
caning David , and that is Corner Time.

The first time I do it in any room, I tell him where to stand in
the room. When I'm in the living room at home the standard
position is facing the wall by the radiator, it's not actually a
corner, but it is a location that means I can see him at a
glance.

Typically I will just issue the instruction "Corner Time" and
David will have to go to his standard position in the room.

Then to ensure his total humiliation and heighten my feeling of
power I'll order "trousers and pants around your ankles". I like
to give the instruction every time rather than make it a
standing order, because I feel an "uplift" when saying it.

On most quiet days he'll spend most of the morning in the corner
while I read the papers, do my crossword, or play games on my
kindle.

Corner Time has the advantage of lasting as long as I want it
to, and the visible presence of the humiliated male in the room
until he is released from his corner means that I only have to
glance up from whatever I'm doing to feel the power surge you
refer to all over again.

David gets at least 15 minutes of corner time almost every day,
and he may get several doses if they are short ones because we
are busy.

An hour with him stood in the corner makes me feel he is mine to
do with as I wish. It's my favourite way to impose and maintain
discipline.

The first time I did it to him he thought I was upset with him
because he had done something wrong, and I loved the look on his
face when I said, "No, not at all. I just like to humiliate
you."

"Half an hour in the corner," I might order as I get into bed.
I find this a useful way of making sure he is thinking of me as
his boss long after I've dozed off.

sincerely, Christine

The Fem Dom Training Software. Now on your phone and mobile
devices. Advises on how best to train your husband/lover.
https://www.mschristine.com/program.shtml

Hello Ms Helen and Ms Christine,

Ms Helen, you wrote that you'd like:

>me (and my slaveboy) to get that feeling of power over a
>longer period. I'm sure he'd like that as much as I would.

It's true that submissives like me, and presumably your slaveboy
love to feel totally in the power of our dominant.

Once my Mistress has made me admit that she has the right to use
corporal punishment to discipline me and humiliate me, then
anything else she obliges me to do or to suffer is done on the
basis that I have to obey or else more punishment might result.

This enables me to feel in her power whenever she asks anything
of me, but especially and even more so if what she asks is
humiliating like corner time, or onerous like making me wear
spikes on my penis. Often the latter follows the former in our
house.

I've no doubt that Christine's suggestion of "Corner Time" will
make your slaveboy feel more under control, and I guess you will
also get a power surge from observing your slave obeying.

I've written a few fantasies about being sent to the corner
which still need quite a bit of editing, so I'll try and post
them later for your amusement.

In the meantime, my bedtime idea below, may do more for your
slaveboy than it will do for you. Unless you love humiliating
your slaveboy as much as Christine seems to like humbling me.

Christine wrote:

>I just like to humiliate you

One of the things that makes me feel truly in your power is
hearing you say things like that when humiliating me. And
reading that you write things like that on DOMestic, especially
if I'm wearing either the blunt or sharp spikes at the time.

(instructions for making a home-made sharp spiky penis corset
are on the DOMestic web site)

Christine wrote:

>"Half an hour in the corner," I might order as I get into bed.
>I find this a useful way of making sure he is thinking of me
>as his boss long after I've dozed off.

Yes corner time does that for me.

As I'm stood in the corner of your bedroom under the TV, with my
trousers and pants around my ankles as you go through your
nightly ablutions I wonder why this amuses you so much. Even
though you've told me so often that you like to humiliate me, I
still wonder why?

As you hand me your knickers as you undress and tell me, "a
little treat for you wanker, sniff those before you put them in
the laundry basket, and think about what a real man like ____
would be doing" I realise you are just saying thinks like that
about men you've known to humiliate me more.

It may be I'll get off lightly with no further taunting, and
you'll be in bed and dozing off soon. Then after I think my half
hour is probably up and I suspect you are asleep I'll leave the
room quietly and try not to disturb you.

But if instead you say as you head to bed, "Spiky Time - the
sharp ones tonight" I realise that you made me sniff those
knickers just to ensure that I'd be erect and feel the spikes
digging in to my penis even more.

So, I'll get the cruel device out of the bedside table and start
to fumble to get it in place without too much pain. Then I'll
hear you say "You can go now", and I realise my fumbling is
irritating you, so I leave the room quickly to suffer the
process elsewhere.

Once the penis corset is in place I remember you saying "You can
go now", and how much that line always amuses you and that makes
me think of you as boss when you are asleep and the spiked penis
corset is digging in as remember your 'real men' and I think of
you enjoying yourself with '______', the one you mentioned.

I know the rules are that the penis corset stays on until I come
to bed, and that I must not come to bed unless I'm ready to
sleep without disturbing you. So until I'm allowed to remove the
spiked penis corset I'm going to be under your power over a much
longer period than it took for the brief caning you gave me
earlier in the day.

Whenever I have to wear the spikes it's humiliating, but even
more so when you hand me your knickers and cruelly say things
like "sniff those when the spikes dig in and think about what it
would be like to be a real man".

I know I'm not going to be able to resist your instruction to
inhale your intimate scents during the rest of the evening and
on into the early hours of the morning, and the spikes will dig
in even more.

I feel in your power then Christine, even though I know that
after you are asleep you will not get much benefit of feeling
powerful, but I imagine it amused you for a short period before
and after bedtime.

So, Ms. Helen that might work for you and your slaveboy?

sincerely,
David at Ms-Christine.com

Download "Prickteasing" by David at
https://www.u4ds.com/manuals

As I'm getting back into controlling Gerald more, I'm thinking I'd like him to be kept chaste until I permit a wank.

What do you think?

And what kind of chastity devices would you recommend?

Hello Audrey,

Lovely to hear from you again.

you wrote:

>controlling Gerald more, I'm thinking I'd like him to be kept
>chaste until I permit a wank. What do you think?

Obviously I think it's great that you plan to control his
wanking. Is Gerald is excited about that? Silly question :-)

>what kind of chastity devices would you recommend?

I posted something for you on the devices I use that I'm hoping
was helpful at Chastity in the Third Age thread at...

https://u4ds.com/2022/02/chastity_in_the_third_age_-_us.shtml

That's just the way I'm currently using chastity devices and
cages on David who has a larger penis which present
difficulties. I have never recommended any of the expensive
commercial devices, as the cheaper ones are the only ones I've
tried as yet.

I'm told the best devices for men with an extra large penis are
the Mature Metal JailBird and BON4 Male Chastity Devices for
well endowed / well hung males. They both look to be quite
expensive so I've never been able to justify a few hundred
dollars, when I've been able to have quite a bit of fun for less
than $100 total for several home-made and cheaper devices.

I've found that by having several different devices, I can also
express my 'whims' about what device I want to see on any
given occasion for my own amusement or purpose.

I don't recall if you ever told us whether Gerald has a small or
big dick? So your need may be different and I'm sure I'm not
alone in wanting to hear what you have in mind. Hopefully others
will also suggest their favourite devices and ideas for you and
Gerald, either here or in the Chastity section of the blog
at....

https://www.u4ds.com/chastity/

where you can read some recommendation from others. My own
recommendations are not so much about the type of device, much
more about about the variety and type of supervision. Men love
to get your involvement in their suffering, it's what makes it
all worthwhile for them :-) No point in being in a cage if
Mistress hasn't told him she wants to stop him enjoying himself.
No point in spurting if Mistress hasn't made it humiliating in
some way.

Once he is in a device then find reasons to tell him to to take
it off, or put it on, at certain times. If you supervise that
process and inspect his genitals, perhaps handling him in the
process in a 'medical' or dispassionate way to check for damage
due to chafing. Then slap his cock if/when it shows signs of
arousal, then he will likely be in heaven.

So having him put it on when he is to be left alone, or take it
off when you are around to keep an eye on him are obvious ways
to supervise. Take off the cage in the morning and put on the
spikes. Take off the spikes when going out, then putting them on
again when you come home. Take off the spikes to shower, and put
on a cage. Question about behaviour after a shower if he was
uncaged for washing.

If I put him in spikes when I put him in situations which will
arouse him, it allows him to think I'm being bitchy. Cages when
I really want to tell him it is to ensure he can't wank a night
as I want to deny him pleasure will of course arouse him. Then I
can tell him I want to make his cock suffer in a cage which is
too small for his erect cock.

A cage should be comfy when he is soft, but very uncomfortable
to discourage his arousal when his genitals become engorged.
Which reminds me, if you are going to lock him up when he is to
be alone and unsupervised, then it's a good idea to put one of
the keys in a sealed container which he can open in an
emergency. Something simple like an envelope which you have
taped shut to ensure the key can't be removed, and signed across
the flap to check for tampering, will suffice quite adequately.

sincerely,
Christine

Now is a good time to give to refugee charities. see -
https://mschristine.com/index2.shtml#charities

Resources to help the Ukrainian people can be found here:
https://ukrainewar.carrd.co/

From: Audrey

Christine, Thanks so much for your advice. I'm going to post
some questions later on your chastity belt post as that seems
more appropriate.

Thanks,
Audrey